Pink Vaper. in Whey and Sonic Screwdrivers.

Got a month dry earlier this week.

How to describe it for the normies… Eh, you wouldn’t understand.

It’s not even like there was despair this relapse. But then again, that might be why it lasted so long. Limiting myself to only a fifth of vodka a day meant I was functional and never so far gone. No chest pains or delusions. Just a daily cycle over and over again.

Amusingly, life isn’t all that different. I just sleep less, and actually during the night.

At the start of when I got a year sober in 2021, my strategy was to do whatever it took to stay dry, even if it meant doing absolutely nothing. And here’s the thing, a very common complaint among the newly sober: LIFE IS FUCKING BORING.

I’m not kidding. It’s one of the main posts on /r/stopdrinking/. My typical reply is that the dopamine cycle of alcohol teaches you that there needs to be some kind of “peak” to the day. To get through to these drunks, I point out that alcohol that can make ANYTHING seem fun. Seem. I joke that I used to get drunk and do the dishes.

It’s funny until it isn’t. Though.

Okay, it’s kind of funny to me. You know how I see things in my mind like a movie? It would make a farce of a scene, a montage of someone doing the dishes and having an absolute BLAST doing it. YEAH DISHES MAN, THEY’RE GOING TO GET SO CLEAN.

And the normie is standing there, “uhhhh. It’s… it’s the fucking dishes, my dude.”

I’ve gotten back into lifting. It’s mostly what I do. I get up, eat oatmeal, lift, shower, eat 6 eggs, and zone out. I zone out SO HARD. I track when I actually play a video game, or actually watch something.

It’s rare I actually sit down and concentrate on something.

WRITING COUNTS.

Obviously I’ve been scarce. Hrm. At least I’m consistent about that. I’m damn near a hermit, and the longer I’m by myself, the easier it is.

When you’re used to being by yourself, there’s nobody to miss.

But yeah, it used to frustate the hell out me that I can’t sit down and play a video game. I either can’t concentrate, I don’t enjoy it, or both.

Okay, it still frustrates me sometimes.

But at least I fixed my sleep cycle. I was going to bed when the sun came up, and sleeping until the afternoon. If you’ve ever been on any shite, the first day isn’t too bad when you know relief is coming, and awful when you’re trying to stop. Slept awful the first night, as expected.

I got up at 3 PM on Day 2, so I decided to skip a night of sleep. Went to bed at 7m Day 3. A couple days going to bed 7/8. Then 9. And finally 10pm. Been going to bed around 10-11 lately and waking up at 5 am.

Initially wired, but I’ve been lifting myself into oblivion.

Distract. Escape.

That’s all there is. Part of why I’m quiet is because the nihilistic truths contrast with my general sedation and lack of negative feelings. If that makes sense. I sound like a goddamned vulcan. Not devastated, not elated, just sedated, calm.

I don’t have a full write-up of my routine, but this is about as close as I can get to expressing it. Some nuances may be off - it’s a work in progress.

IT MAKES SENSE IN MY HEAD, okay? Symmentry, flow. High to low volume, lighter to heavier weight. Cycling 3x5 to 4x3 to 5x1 concurrent with 4x12 to 3x9 to 3x6. Then add weight next cycle. I have six other tabs in a spreadsheet for data tracking. I’ll always have my physical log, but having things pretyped makes things easier if I ever want to point and say “See, this is how this progressed.”

Being as olde as Metallica’s first album means any pop culture I don’t know codes me as either VERY OLDE, or VERY YOUNG. Never anywhere in between. Turning 40 means you are NOT EVEN CLOSE to the target audience.

Also, if you haven’t done it consciously, the Inverse Leonardo DiCaprio Policy: Anyone under 25 is a kid. Treat them as such.

(Not insultingly, just respect they don’t know shite. Just like we didn’t know shite. Be patient.)

Current track in my car, since apparently having a CD deck in your car is akin to having an 8-track deck in your car. Music just… sounds better in your car with the window down and heat on the floor.