And finding a Christmas tree in Those Public Entries

Yesterday, while I was getting my Christmas tree out of storage (read: the upstairs bedroom I don’t use for any other reason), I decided to let the bottom of it slide down my stairs, mainly because it’s unwieldy, I’m lazy, and I had two other parts that were less hassle to get down the stairs. In doing so, I broke part of the stand, where one of the feet should be inserted. (Also, I didn’t take the feet off before doing this. I have no defense, explanation, or alibi.)

So I find myself in the position of doing one of three things: Fixing the stand with Gorilla glue, buying a new stand, or just giving up and buying a new tree.¹ For financial reasons, the latter is a last resort only. And really, I got a six-foot, pre-lit tree for $40 last year; there is no way I’m getting that good a deal again, especially not three weeks before Christmas.

The first one is… Possibly doable? Probably? It’s definitely the cheapest option. I’m out of glue, but I can find it just about anywhere. Plus, I can personally attest to the prowess of Gorilla glue: When I moved into my house, I found out quickly that my bathroom’s mirror had been hung for someone at least six inches taller than me. (I’m 5‘0”, everything in this world was made for people taller than me.) Which wouldn’t be a problem, except that I still wear makeup and even do my hair on occasion. About a month later, while I was doing a Walmart run, I found a small, footed mirror panel on clearance, so I bought it, took it home, and used Gorilla glue to hang it by my sink. It’s still up on the wall, almost two years later, and keep in mind, I like my showers hot enough to stew human flesh. If steam can’t kill this stuff, I have no doubt it can fix my tree stand.

Unfortunately, as you can see in the picture, the broken part is at the foot insert. Meaning one of two things: Either trying to fix it will throw the stand completely off-balance if I can’t get the pieces in exact alignment, or it’s in such an awkward place that it can’t be fixed, period.

The second one is… //insert “it’s too early on a Monday morning for this” noises// Doable, but my god, I just want a new stand for my tree. Something that will keep it upright at least 90% of the day. I’ve seen rotating stands. I’ve seen stands on wheels. I haven’t personally seen a stand that rotates while playing the entire Trans-Siberian Orchestra Christmas discography, but I guarantee you it exists. (…In fairness, I would, in fact, pay for that.) And not one of them, even the ones that don’t literally do pirouettes, is under $30. Well, no, that’s not right: The ones that will make your tree fall over are about $8. I mean, fuck me for thinking that a stand that keeps your tree at least vaguely upright shouldn’t cost an arm, a leg, and your firstborn!

The third one, like I said, is a last resort. At this point, I’d have probably just given up and gotten a real tree, except that I’m allergic to pine, I don’t have a stand for one, and while I live in a state that has plenty of “choose and cut” tree farms, I don’t know how in hell I’d get one home in my little 2019 Impreza. (Don’t say “bungee cords,” I don’t have any.) Also, I’d have to string lights on it. //shudder// Yawl, there’s a reason I bought a pre-lit tree. And as to getting another artificial tree? Why? There’s nothing wrong with my tree, it’s just got a broken base. If I can get it to stand upright long enough to plug it in and decorate it, I’ll be fine.

I suppose, if push really comes to shove, I could DIY a stand. Anyone have any ideas that don’t cost the same as getting one from Anthropologie? I’m talking “Dollar Tree, Dollar General, or maybe Lowe’s if we’re getting crazy, for the raw materials”-budget.

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¹I still have a flocked tree I bought on Boxing Day in 2019, but it’s only four feet tall, not pre-lit (meaning I’d have to buy lights, and there is nothing about Christmas I dislike more than stringing lights on a tree; hence, why I bought a pre-lit one), and I want to donate it to a local family. It’s a beautiful tree, I just have one I like a little more.

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Last updated December 04, 2023