Um... in Since OD is shutting down....

I really go get my kid from her after school program last night where she tells me that her ‘Dad’ stopped by to see her and that she was to keep it a secret from me. It’s been 3 months since he’s been around yet again and then just decides to plop into her life. I’m not sure if I’m more mad that he had showed up with no warning or that she wasn’t supposed to tell me. So to double check him making an appearance, I called and talked to the lady that runs the program. She said she didn’t know he had came but she had my back that it’s not okay for him to tell her to keep it a secret and that she would make sure her staff knows to be watching every interaction there is and that she’s not to leave with him.

I won’t have to worry about it for the next week because she’s on break and then when she goes back, I’ll be there working. I’m just not a fan of secrets or things going on behind my back. I’ve put up with that type of shit my whole life and I have a serious problem with it when it comes to my kid. I’m sure he said that in hopes that she would tell me and he’d thrive off my reaction. He’s always done this kind of stuff and STILL DOESN’T GET IT BUT HE DOESN’T STOP! I understand that all of this is just a game for him but it’s reality for my daughter and I.

We went to the turkey giveaway this morning. We waited about an hour and 15 minutes. My daughter starting crying because she needed to poop and there was no bathroom. I was super upset because I was really hoping that it would have gone faster than what it did. My daughter did super well and was able to hold it until we got to the gas station. I told her how sorry I was that there wasn’t someone to stay with her so I could go. It sucks that there’s never any help but I can’t change it.

My daughter told me that he took a picture with her and said he was working. Well I don’t know how that’s possible when he’s still messing with that girl and going to the bar almost every night. There’s no time for a job. I also don’t understand why we would feel the need to tell a 6 year old about him working or not. I just want to understand why you wanna keep putting your child through this shit. This popping in and out thing is really getting old. I honestly wish the guy would just die off. He doesn’t want to be a parent, he doesn’t care about supporting her financially and refuses to actually help with her.

Then we go over to my brother’s house last night where he’s sitting there talking about how the world is so hateful and nobody gets over anything. I told him that I’m just worried about working and taking care of my kid. I refuse to waste any more time worrying about a deadbeat that doesn’t care about anything but himself. He’s free. He’s off the hook. I just don’t understand why he feels the need to see his child for 5 minutes and then probably won’t try again for a few months. That’s how this has always been.

My brother is never supportive of how I move in this. I guarantee if I was chasing the guy around, begging him to be involved, and constantly being obnoxious with it he would ask why I don’t just leave him alone. There’s no winning with him either. He’s told me multiple times that we need to get to the point he’s at with his kid’s Mom. Okay well then why do you keep entertaining him or the idea of me having anything to do with him?! He just runs so hot and cold that it’s really pissing me off. I don’t care if people agree with my choices or not.

I don’t feel hateful at all. I’ve worked through that. I think after sitting in my hate for as long as I have, there’s nothing wrong with me just worrying about my daughter and working to support her. I think the best thing I can do is just focus on myself. The only thing I care about is moving forward, I’m not going to stay stuck on anything I can’t change. Sorry not sorry. It does bother me that no one wants to acknowledge that I’m in a really good place with everything. I don’t expect his involvement or for him to help financially and it’s like it’s STILL NOT ENOUGH! I seriously just wish everyone would not worry about it anymore and just let it flow. I am not worried about this person ever growing up or being the Dad my daughter needs. I have let go of so many expectations and I feel a lot happier because of it.

I’m in a really good head space with everything and I plan to stay there. I feel like people want me to focus more on the negative because as long as I do that, I stay stuck. They don’t want me to move forward because then there’s not much left to say. I think my brother likes that I haven’t had a real job because he’s able to sit there and kick me while I’m down.