NoJoMo 23:18 in NoJoMo 2023

Almost everyone likes listening to music. What are some songs currently on your playlist?

“Rock the Casbah” by The Clash

“Legend of a Cowgirl” by Imani Coppola

“Is That Good?” by Jack Haley and Charlotte Greenwood, from Moon Over Miami

If you ever wondered what the Tin Man looked like under all that makeup, there you go. To be honest, I’m “meh” on the song -I’ve heard worse and I’ve heard better, especially from these two- but I love the dance.

“Witch” by Apashe and Alina Pash

Using the Just Dance map, because it’s worlds better than the actual video. Also, I’m in love with the Night Swan. It’s not my fault she’s the sexiest villain this series ever had!

“Fairytale of New York” by the Pogues and Kirsty MacColl

All right, this is the one Christmas song I’ll listen to almost any time of the year. Better this than being Mariahgeddoned. And the funny thing is, I actually do like “All I Want for Christmas Is You,” I just don’t want to hear it in October. Or September. Or until 12:01 a.m. on Black Friday.

…I suppose I should address the lyrics. I don’t actually mind the lines “you’re an old slut on junk” or “cheap lousy faggot” in context, because they’re the types of thing an older couple with limited education and unresolved trauma would call each other in a fight. (Hell, I’ve heard couples younger than me with these issues calling each other these exact names. Kinda like it’s a problem that can be solved with better education and broader access to mental health care! //sarcastic wow//) The song is not condoning the use of these words, it’s just relaying the story. I think today’s audiences have forgotten that it is okay, even necessary, for characters to do and say bad things, because it rounds them out and, terribly important, just because a character says or does something does not mean the author condones these words and actions. Authorial intent only goes so far; as a consumer of media, you have to use your brain and think critically about why Shane MacGowan and Kirsty MacColl are singing these lines.

That said, when I sing this song, I will say “you’re an old hag on junk” and “cheap lousy braggart,” because I, personally, am not comfortable saying “slut” or “faggot”. And of late, the Pogues have edited the song to mute out “slut” and changed the other line to, “You’re cheap and you’re haggard,” which isn’t my favorite change -I do think “cheap lousy braggart” both flows better and makes more sense- but I don’t think it ruins the song. It’s not fundamentally changing the message or intent. And besides, I have the original, unedited version in my iTunes, so it’s not costing me anything if the edited version exists.

I need to start getting some extra income, because for god’s sake, I want to shit in peace.

Backstory: When I was moving into my house, my parents drove out from Indianapolis to help. The night before the moving company came and packed up my apartment in Burlington, they took my cat, Smudge, with them to their hotel, because Smudge will run out an open door if given half the chance. I know this, because just a few months before, he’d slipped out the door while I was bringing in some groceries, and I only got him back because I’d posted his picture on the Burlington subreddit and a pair of college students who’d brought him into their apartment saw it. My parents also had the house key, so they were planning to unlock the house and let Smudge sniff around in it for an hour or so, while the movers and I were driving. When the movers got here, my parents had put Smudge and his water fountain in the bathroom, and since the bathroom is easily accessible for both of us and has an outlet close to the floor, it’s just stayed there.

The water fountain isn’t the problem. The problem is that Smudge is a climber, and I’m broke. I’ve been meaning to get him some floating shelves for around the house, but since I closed on the house, I have had no money to spare. (Mainly because inflation and having to replace a just-paid-off car literally the same week I closed.) So the shelves keep being put on the back burner, and Smudge gets more and more irritated because he can’t climb. And he is an extremely vocal cat: Any time he’s not happy about something, he’s meowing about it, at maximum decibels, and following me around the house until he’s tired. Or I trip over him, whichever comes first.

So why can’t I shit in peace? Well, remember I said “the bathroom”? I only have one bathroom. (Add “second bathroom, preferably upstairs” to the list of things I will add to my house once I win the goddamn Powerball, along with a three-season room, remodeled kitchen, tankless water heater, and a pellet stove to replace the oil heater.) And it is small. It’s basically a refrigerator box with a bathtub that was added onto the main structure as an afterthought. My house was built in 1900, and I live in a rural area, so it’s possible the family was using an outhouse for the first 20 to 50 years. And because of this, the toilet is right behind the tub, which is across from the sink, with barely eighteen inches to spare. (Good thing I’m pocket-sized, or I’d never be able to navigate this room.)

How close? Here’s actual footage:

(Yes, I know my mirror is dirty; I’m going to be cleaning this afternoon, since I’m leaving for Indianapolis on Monday and don’t want to leave a dirty house.)

This. Yelling in my face. Every time I have to use the can. For almost two years. I mean, I love my cat, don’t get me wrong, but seriously. I’m not all up in his grill when he’s in the litter box!

And I get it: His world is small. He’s not allowed outside anymore, because he’s too aggressive towards my neighbors’ cats (although it’s come to my attention that there’s another orange cat that keeps coming around and picking fights, but even still, I know Smudge and I know he’s not cat-friendly, so it’s not impossible to me that he picked at least a few fights). He’s not allowed in the basement anymore, because my dumb ass didn’t realize that a cat and an unfinished root cellar with a dirt floor is a terrible combination (and it took me an hour to scoop all of his shit, but again, that one’s on me). He’s not allowed on the kitchen counters or the stove, for obvious reasons. But apart from that, he’s allowed everywhere else in the house. He’s even figured out how to get up on the shelves above the TV.

He’s even figured out how to get on top of the hutch in my office, and as much as it annoys me that he jumps up on the desk while I’m working, I don’t set him on the floor unless he’s really bothering me. But yeah, I know he wants to climb. He’s a cat, they’re prey animals and they like being up high where they feel safe and can see everything.

And the sooner I can get those floating shelves, the sooner I can shit in peace. Let’s all sacrifice our turkeys to Milton Keynes, Adam Smith, and Ronald Reagan this week, in order to lower inflation and make capitalism not a total clusterfuck again.

Last updated November 18, 2023