Didn't happen. in Since OD is shutting down....

I got my kid to school and then came home. The girl from my thing finally showed up and took me over there. They put in an IV and I changed into scrubs. My doctor came in and basically we decided that there’s really no point in going through this extremely painful procedure because there’s no plan for surgery yet. I was super relieved and my brother gave me a ride home. I then talk to someone from the place that did my MRI and they said they wanted to do this procedure to see if surgery would be the next step. Well, in order to do surgery I have to quit smoking and lose weight.

I don’t think I’m going to worry about any of this as of right now. I plan to make another appointment through the hospital for weight management and see what they wanna do and go from there.

It’s windy and cold today but the sun is out. I’m just sitting here having some iced coffee thinking about everything.

Thanksgiving is next week. Unless we get invited to my brother’s house, we are going to hang out at home. I doubt I’ll hear from my Mom but if I do, I’ll let her know that I appreciate the invite but we have other plans. Most of the time, I don’t really hear from her on weekends or holidays and hopefully I won’t this go around but we won’t be going there. Again, we know how holidays and get togethers end up with my Dad and little brother and refuse to put up with it anymore. My daughter knows my Dad is an unsafe adult and I’d rather her not be around him when there’s no reason for it.

I didn’t have to go to my thing today and I don’t have to go tomorrow either. I’m very happy about this. I called my caseworker and let her know we didn’t go through with the procedure and she was totally cool with it. I decided to just be honest about all of it because I had to sign a release for them to know my medical stuff so I didn’t want to look bad later if she were to find out that it didn’t happen. I already know they kinda talk shit about all of us anyways and I didn’t want to give any extra reason for things to be said about me. I’m pretty sure she was whispering about me yesterday so I want to be as honest about everything as I can.

I’m definitely grateful that I get to hang out today and tomorrow because then my daughter will be home for a week. Hopefully we’ll keep busy. She’s definitely looking forward to sleeping in and being at home. She hasn’t been home for a week since school started so I definitely want to make it special for her. I want to bake some cookies with her and watch Christmas movies. I think we’re going to a turkey giveaway on Saturday.

But yeah, I can’t stand my Dad. I don’t even like the sound his voice or being anywhere near him. I honestly would get pissed at my Mom for even inviting us to their house. She’s sat there and witnessed how terrible he is towards me and my kid. I remember even a couple of years ago my daughter’s school did a turkey giveaway with all the extras and we picked it up and took it out to their house. He didn’t even bother inviting us for dinner. He’s just this really selfish, greedy person.

It’s pretty maddening that he’s made sure that neither my daughter or myself has had a relationship with my Mom and not only does he not care, but then has the audacity to text me with his ‘medical problems’ and that they have a lien on their house that they can’t afford to pay. I wanted to write back and let him know we’re doing okay if he cares? Like what in the fuck! I don’t hear from these people hardly ever, don’t know if they’re alive or dead until there’s something wrong. You never hear from them when things are going good! I don’t even bother to respond.

My Dad is probably the biggest creep I’ve ever known. I don’t think there’s enough words in the English language to properly describe him or the hatred I feel towards him. He’s just gotten to be a controlling, crazy piece of shit for far too long and that’s what he’s used to. It’s never going to change and I accept that but I won’t accept being mistreated either. There’s been some type of incident almost every time he’s been around my kid and I just won’t deal with that anymore. You also don’t want to be at their house for more than 20 minutes or visit too often because he gets way too comfortable being a dirt bag.

The first issue is he doesn’t want you there to begin with. Even if you are invited to eat a meal with them, he doesn’t want you eating HIS food. The other issue is he worries about my Mom’s focus being on anyone but him. You also don’t want to be there for too long because then you risk my little brother getting scary and loud to chase you outta there. I still have a lot of guilt for bringing my daughter around these people before and now, I just know to not do it again. It’s not my daughter’s fault or problem that they are like overgrown toddlers that aren’t able to self regulate.

There’s a couple of Christmas drives coming up and I’ll probably have to take her with me because there’s never a babysitter. Both of these things are during Christmas break. I’ll probably ask my brother if I could dump her off with him but if not, I’ll just have to take her with me. I don’t like to because it’s embarrassing going to this shit to begin with and then you show up with your kid so everyone knows you don’t even have a babysitter. It just makes me mad because it’s not like anyone else is going to get her stuff so it’s up to me completely.

Yeah, I could ask BD but because he didn’t get to take her trick or treating, he would plan to punish me by not helping with her. He’s another one that I don’t even bother with anymore. He’s the epitome of a bitter baby Dad. Normal Dad’s just care about time with their child, not hurting or punishing the other parent but he’s a special breed of evil. It’s like Halloween. He wasn’t super concerned with seeing her because he sent my brother a picture of himself in a costume sitting in a bar. He just wanted pictures. He even asked if my brother had any and he didn’t. I also have told him not to send any because then he doesn’t have to make any actual effort in seeing her.