Today Is The Day in A Ways Away

Well, every day is the day, if you think about it. There are things that suddenly happen without being planned and often times, without us ever really knowing that it was coming, to begin with. It’s often a surprise, because if we ever anticipated it, some of us would avoid whatever day this is, that comes in many shapes, sizes, forms and with reasonings that we often don’t understand.

This day for me, is the day that I suspect that my friend and writing partner is disbanding from the RolePlay and writing world, for good. Of course, myself and this person have talked and made jokes about such a thing happening for a couple of years now, but I denied the fact from then on, that it was slowly creeping into their reality. This person.. has their own real life, whereas I am struggling to pull some semblance of my own together. They have two kids, are married, live in a different country, work from home but are often traveling and running back and forth from their own home at all times of the day and night.

They’ve warned me a few times that they were going to be around less and less, becoming so much more busy, but as long as they were around and responding, I often just cast it aside.. becoming idiotically dependent upon their presence. At least until the last three months, when that presence began to grow stagnant. I admit that I have a fault in this, thinking that there could ever be a real chance that I would be able to share and thrive in the imagination and in the worlds that we have created together for some semblance of whatever ‘eternity’ would come to be, but at least now, it hurts just a little (and I do mean very little) bit less than I knew it would have hurt, had this been six months or so, prior to now.. or even a year or two before.

It was said that they wouldn’t be able to be around much, but it didn’t say that they wouldn’t be around at all.. though I think that by now, my maturity should lead me to read beyond this. With kids and a partner and a full time job? It should be expected. I only have a full time job, lol. I love to write and perhaps I should just consider writing on my own, but the beauty that Roleplay had presented to me, was the genuine and very massive possibility, the opportunity to write with someone else who could be from anywhere, and create worlds with characters for however long, about whatever we wanted.

For five years, this person and myself have created these things, but I think that I realize now, that the way I viewed this, might have been too much of a crutch, as opposed to their realistic view of it. Writing has been both a passion and a sort of release for me, a vacation. I often wrote/write to escape. I charge my brain and shift into a world that does not belong to me, and create it the way that I wish for it to look, because these are things that I do not have in my own real life. Stupidly enough, my desire to write with other people had began to fade more than over two years ago, since our chemistry with writing had been plentiful enough to no longer need to search for other partners. However, now.. as I still linger on the site we both congregated at, the muse that I once had, has definitely began to deplete immensely.

It’s a sign, I know.. but some part of me wishes and often times thinks that if I linger long enough, I will find someone else that I can connect with and write new things with this person.. but the crowd that flocks here now, are much younger than me and the things they enjoy are just things that do not interest me. Alas, I can hope all that I want, that I will still be able to speak with and write with this person…

But, I think I know the truth, here. A truth that adds onto that depression that’s still sitting with me.