KD Lang Possession in Current Events

The challenge I am having today, with my trial run with vegan keto, is food cravings. I’m not really a food-craving kind of girl. It feels a little overwhelming. The fatigue and brain fog is gone. I can feel all of my muscle aches which is awful because of my left shoulder. I never had to concern myself with carbs before and I always assumed that I was overdosing on them. Malibu Carbie. Carbie T. I think the episodes of lethargy that I get might be me crashing on carbs. I don’t know, I will be mindful of this. I can see now that I go periods with very low carbs which is my fuel source. That reminds me, I forgot to go get my bloodwork done. Though my stomach feels heavy, I don’t look bloated which is all I want in the world, most days. I wanted to give up but my friend told me how sharp she felt after the first week. She does keto for her epilepsy. I want to do it for my breath health as well. Also, I want to better regulate my hormones. I will explore intermittent fasting soon enough.

I have a lab due tomorrow that I am dragging out. It’s on limiting and excess reactants. There are just so many conversions involved, it’s very confusing. We have to balance the chemical formulas first which is a beeotch. It’s the last part of the previous unit that I have left to study. I have yet to master any of it. My mind is trying to come up with a clever way approach to this. I shall see if I hack it. I don’t want to procrastinate and do it right before class tomorrow. We just started our third unit and it’s all about pressure. Before I even start, I am taking advantage of my roommate leaving for the evening and I’m going to do a detox bath.

TMI Warning: Rated PG-17
My NoFap is going alright. The no-nut November part is at least. I still fall for most thirst traps but I don’t act on them. Back before I lost my ability to feel orgasms (RIP) I didn’t need to “unload”. I could have a neverending orgasm for as long as I want. I’m not going to even attempt that while I’m on this journey. That felt like a hack last time. I don’t need to nut to orgasm, haha! I don’t even know what to call this journey. This might be the part of the 12-step program where I say: My name is Tom and I’m a porn addict. I’m trying to break my porn addiction and over-masturbation. There I said it. Gross. Step one is admitting that you have a problem. I’ve quit eggs, meat, and dairy. Now carbs, though temporarily. I don’t agree that keto is good for the long term. I have quit cigarettes and coffee. Well, I do mushroom coffee. Porn has been the bane of my existence.

I did not even know that I was addicted to porn. It was just something I did once a day like most guys. I thought I was in control until the day I decided to stop. This has been off and on for 8 years. Mostly off. Right now, it’s very on. The more I don’t want to do it, the more I end up doing it. The thirst traps don’t help. I also don’t want to be out and about in the world thinking about sex. I don’t want to want, period! I am so glad that my gym does not have locker rooms. Just individual rooms. I think having orgasms that don’t quit didn’t help. I need to learn to delay gratification. Losing the ability to feel my own orgasms is at least an opportunity to quit. Like when I took medication to help me quit smoking. I lost the ability to feel that high from it. I’ll discuss this with my doctor, of course.

He who makes a beast out of himself
Gets rid of the pain of being a man

Also, something else on my mind, should I dare say another craving, is a relationship. How do people just meet people at my age!? Babe! I’m home, I’m stressed and depressed please rub my legs. That’s it, that’s the fantasy. Besides the idea of having somebody in my life who is a best friend, the best everything. Someone who gets me. That knows how to be supportive of me and who can keep up with me, intellectually. Ugh… it’s not a dating pool in my city it is a cesspool.

Ok, I don’t even know what mess of a meal I am going to have this evening. I got to take that bath and then eat and then study my ass off. KD Lang has a song called Constant Craving, that’s what the title of this entry is about. Don’t know why I am mansplaining that. Anything but study I tell ya!