Saturday. in Since OD is shutting down....

We’ve since done breakfast, got snacks and made a little bit of money. We’re now just at home watching TV. I’m hoping to get a text from her big sister so she can go do something with her. My brother messaged last night asking if we wanted to come over but I just didn’t feel like it. My back was killing me and I wasn’t in the mood to put up with his girlfriend or my niece. I just can’t fucking stand those people and you just never know what kind of reception you’re going to get when you show up. I just don’t want to deal with it. It’s the same thing at my parents house and that’s why we don’t go there either.

I’m pretty glad that after next week, we’ll have a whole week together to hang out. We’ve haven’t had that long together since school started. I know we’ll get bored but I plan to get some deep cleaning done and just enjoy my time with my kid. Neither one of us care about turkey so I’m going to make something else. I put in to win a free Thanksgiving dinner but I don’t know if that’ll happen or not. I don’t make turkey because the last time I did, the whole oven was in flames and I definitely don’t want to experience that again.

Still thinking about my appointment on Thursday. I think it’s ridiculous that I have to worry more about childcare and a ride than the actual procedure, which is painful. I don’t know how long exactly that it’ll take because they have to keep you for awhile after to make sure you’re alright to leave. I plan to ask on Monday if someone could at least get me there and then I’ll take a Lyft home. I think about just how much shit I’ve gone through by myself with no support and it honestly makes my stomach turn. I don’t know anyone who goes through as much on their own as I do. It just gets old.

I plan to call the school on Wednesday and let them know if I don’t answer then to call my brother. I just want to cover all bases and hope this is the last thing I have to go through for awhile.

It’s just really gross that my Mom makes zero effort with my daughter and myself. I know why and it’s sickening that my Dad has to be center of the fucking universe at all times. It’s like he has this intense fear that shit won’t be about him every second. It’s like him texting me the other day about all his problems and it’s like dude I don’t even talk to you nor do you ask how I’m doing?! It’s just crazy to me that people like him even exist. My Mom has allowed this crap for so long that there’s no changing it. My little brother called the other day and I even told him that I have to get this procedure done and that I would need a driver. He of course doesn’t offer to help me out because him and my Mom are strictly to worry about my Dad and no one else. They aren’t allowed to care about other people!

My little brother can go buy him new birds because the other ones died but doesn’t care about anyone else. It would just be really great to have help even once in every 10 blue moons. I am so tired with all of this shit.

Even if I were to get pissed and say something, he’d really make sure that it didn’t happen. He likes to go out of his way to make sure that I have zero fucking help. I’m just going to remember all of this shit the next time they ask me for anything or when they are about to die, and be upset that we don’t care enough to visit. It’s like my kid and niece are going to remember that Grandma never made effort with them so that’s going to come back and bite her in the ass later. She won’t have anyone to blame but herself! Even if she says how my Dad controlled her and blah blah blah well you STILL WENT ALONG WITH IT DIDN’T YA?! You chose to let some piece of human garbage run your life and now that you’re sitting in a nursing home he don’t care about you because you and your paycheck are gone!

I just don’t know how you could be this selfish and you can’t see past it! It’s shocking that someone could be so selfish and never realize just how much it affects other people. Neither my daughter or myself strive to have a relationship with my Mom anymore but it would be nice to have some help here and there. It’s not like I’m even asking her to babysit! But I remember how many times I’ve asked for help a thousand times and she’d turn around and say how she forgot! I don’t know how you could forget about something when it was talked about at least 30 fucking times! I just don’t buy it! It’s easier to say that than admit that you aren’t allowed to help because of someone else!

My daughter’s Christmas program is on the 7th and I’ll be the only one there. Yeah this shit pisses me off because she’s old enough to understand who’s there and who isn’t! I remember asking her to come last year and because he didn’t want to than she didn’t show up either. I don’t know how you live your life like this where if your partner doesn’t want to do something than you don’t either. I think it’s perfectly healthy to do apart once in a while!! I would NEVER miss out on things simply because someone else didn’t want to.

We went and got some goodies at the Dollar store. It’s ridiculous that we didn’t get very much and it was still $17!!! Like dear God, this inflation thing is really starting to get old! I got groceries yesterday but I got everything we needed and really didn’t spend too much. I want to get some more stuff but probably not today.

It’s warm and sunny today. It’s supposed to be pretty nice next week too. I just know it’s not going to last and then it’s going to be a blizzard and roads will be scary to drive on. I really hate winter time. I don’t mind the first couple of times that it snows but then after it goes on for months at a time, it really starts to affect my mood.

My daughter told me that her ear hurt last night so we went to the dr. They said there’s fluid built up and to give her allergy medication. We ran to the store to get extra since they gave us some. I plan to give it to her at bedtime because it can make her drowsy. She’s eaten way too much junk today and I’m physically getting sick watching her plow through snacks and treats. I’m making her stop because I plan on making dinner soon. We’ve had breakfast and lunch but she’s managed to fit in plenty of junk food too. I just don’t get how they eat lightly all day at school but it’s a totally different story at home.

My brother was trying to get us to come to the arcade but I don’t have money for that. I’m already running short in my account so I’m not spending anything extra. My daughter kept asking to go over there but I told her they aren’t home. By the time I hear back from him, I don’t plan to go out again. We’ve been running all fucking day and I’m ready to call it good.

I also don’t want to deal with them people. I’m seriously just not in the mood.