Ramblings in A day in the life...

Not a lot going on…pretty much the same ol’, same ol’. That’s not a bad thing, though. I like routine. Let’s see if I can think of anything interesting to tell you.

The job is going really well. I’m learning new things and really enjoying it. I’m loving the logistics part!

I haven’t gone to church much lately. Between babysitting Ben every weekend and making a very brief weekend jaunt to Chicago a few weeks ago I’ve just been exhausted. I’m also feeing a bit like an outcast at church lately. A lot of church people know I was in the hospital last November and that I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, and most of them still act like it’s not a real thing. I’m finding myself feeling very defensive about it and I don’t like feeling like that. I’m going to go this Saturday, though. Hopefully I’ll feel differently afterwards.

This weekend hubby will be gone and I’m going to have the whole weekend to myself....YAY!!! No babysitting either. I get to do whatever I want and just relax. I am SO looking forward to it.

My BFF and I were talking the other day about gifts that people have…like drawing or cooking or painting or writing. She most definitely has the gift of writing. Honestly, she’s one of the best writers I’ve ever known. You read something she’s written and you feel like you’re right there in the story…it’s amazing. She’s also got a terrific sense of style and some serious intelligence. I told her my gift must be typing because that’s the only thing I can think of that I’m truly good at. After I said that she said something to me that nearly made me cry. She told me I have a heart like Jesus. I was stunned (in a very moving way). Nobody has ever said that to me before. A heart like Jesus....the most beautiful thing anyone’s ever said to me.

My anxiety was getting really bad for a few weeks so I started doing something stupid and making little cuts on my arms. Don’t worry…nothing deep. I told my BFF about the anxiety being bad and she told me I needed to start taking my anti-anxiety pill preventatively, not just when the anxiety hits me. My dumb butt never thought of that. So I started doing it and it’s helped a lot. I haven’t cut in over a week. I’m still tempted to sometimes, though. I keep thinking of that line from the song Iris by the Goo Goo Dolls…“Yeah you bleed just to know you’re alive.” Great song, by the way.

I actually was almost able to cry the other day! We were watching the movie Casper (adorable movie!). Towards the end Casper gets to be a real boy for a little bit and he goes and finds Kat and they start slow dancing. She has no idea who he is because she’s only ever seen him as a ghost. He whispers to her “Can I keep you?” I don’t know why but that scene brings me to tears every time, it’s so sweet. Well, I’ve told you all how I’m not able to cry anymore, so I was happy that I at least got teary-eyed during that scene. Yep, tears and blood....proof I’m still alive.

I was sitting outside smoking a cigarette the other day and had a conversation with a spider. He was very polite and a good listener.

And I think that’s all I’ve got. It’s after 10 p.m. so I need to head to bed.

I hope everyone is doing well. Much love! xoxo

Last updated August 28, 2014