Legitimate updates in Second 1st

Lets start with money issues.... The accident I was in at the beginning of the year.... the insurance company never bothered to contact me and sent it to collections instead. I’m now paying $250 a month on that.....
The online business I started isn’t paying out yet and the first bill came in on that.... $210 but using cashback offered $111 ....
Then there is a medical bill $450....

I’m working $100 a day with no days off and spending every moment I’m at the computer working on the business..... so far daily I need to
Like, Follow and Comment on 10 Instagram accounts that are below 2,000 followers and show interest in things I have for sale.....
Then the same for 10 Pinterest accounts.....
Check for sales (none yet) and emails.
Check for outages on items in the shop....
Shop and add more items (10-20 a week)
Post a pin on Pinterest for an item in my shop.
Post on FB and Instagram 1 item and a “story”.....
It seems to take all my time.....

We changed meds for my mental health which honestly I’m very happy about. I was very unhappy with how worn out I felt all the time. Now I’m on Propanalol äs needed” She wanted me to take it twice a day once in the morning and once before bed (10mg) .... I’ve not been taking it when I get up because honestly, that’s when anxiety is a benefit ..... I feel the most motivated to get things done and it seems to calm that and I don’t find that beneficial. With help from the therapist, I’m really learning when the thoughts are getting out of control and deciding for myself that some medicine would be a good idea.... I’ll give you a few examples in this entry.....

When I first got the propanolol i really wanted to see how it reacted with the pot gummies.... I won’t be doing that again as Rocky said I had a whole 10 mins conversation about being tired and how tired and that I needed him to make dinner and like 20 reasons why I can’t..... but I only remembered: “Can you please start dinner, I’m getting really tired.” Which honestly scares me a little....

We had a Yard Sale and mom came .... she brought Alicen and Joshua.... and a cot.... Joshua and Alicen stayed in the guest room and Mom set the cot up in the room we use for storage stuff. It was a super quiet weekend. Not a lot of people came and it was a huge disappointment but 2 things happened.... One morning I couldn’t find a med I needed and I broke down and asked if anyone had seen it. I had been having thoughts about how Joshua may have taken it which felt unrealistic (though Mom said it was a justified fear). He’d been such a good kid all weekend.... and when I asked, everyone went into a panic looking for it. I did find it in the cupboard where we keep the meds.... I don’t know if I put it in there and forgot.... if Alicen put it in there, Rocky.... I don’t know.... but I took a propanolol then because obviously, the thoughts were running away with me.

Sunday morning a guy came by and I was left outside with Alicen and Joshua. Mom was taking a break.... I had just left her alone for a couple of hours and taken Joshua and Alicen to look at some Halloween decorations I’d seen while delivering Doordash. It felt like a reciprocated punishment but.... I managed.... Joshua was putting together the Thomas train set Mom was trying to sell last year..... This guy shows up looking at stuff and I’m thinking “This guy is gonna trip on the train. Then, he’s gonna sue for some minor injury.” I wanted him gone and he stayed for freaking ever and had 20 questions about if I was married and had kids..... UGH took some after that....

Feel justified on both counts.... and it helped and that is what’s important!

I’m not working today because Rocky has my car.... he was doing some work on his and procrastinated the finishing touches..... it’s funny though because he split this car stuff up.... The first side took 3 weeks but the second side took 3 days....

My car has to go to the dealership for recalls Thursday. Rocky made the appointment so he really pushed to get his finished so I can drive it. .... or something equally stupid.

The usual laundry, dishes, and other adult responsibilities today..... then a pot gummy and tic Tok.... I’ve slept like shit the last 4-5 nights.... nightmares and just consistently waking uncomfortable .... So honestly this day off was needed.... I slept in and will not be denying myself a nap if I want it.... as well as going to bed early....

I put a pretty high-priority label on this post.... I mean it’s been nearly a month right? And the last one wasn’t really an update at all… .... not to mention in one of my nightmares I remember saying “I really need to journal about this.” even though I can’t remember what that was at this moment lol