My Family. in Me Being Me

I have been thinking about the relationship I have with my family and it’s basically non-existant. We don’t say much when we do talk and whatever is going on in their lives I have no idea. I would ask my mom how their weekend was and what they did and all she says is that it was a weekend and they don’t remember what or who they saw. Or if they went out with friends. But then I just tell them that my weekend was quiet and not much happened. I will mention that my son came over but that is about it. And it seems I am the last one to know when they are going away somewhere.
I don’t visit my parents anymore and I haven’t for about 5 or 6 years now because of my weight. Both of my parents are thin and in really good shape and eat vegetairian so when we do see them it’s always at a restaurant and my parents don’t cook anymore. They eat mainly salads.
And when I do see them the disappointment on their faces just breaks my heart because they seem to never accept me for who or what I am and I find that abusive. And I always feel like I am this thing that has a horn in the middle of my head and I am just not very important. Although they don’t say anything about my weight when we are out with them but my dad will phone me after and tell me that I need to loose the weight or I will die of a heart attack. And I can’t tell either one of them the truth of why I am like this because they say depression is all in my head and I need to snap out of it. And plus I already hate myself and think I am a complete failure and they just make it worse.
I just wish that I was accepted for me no matter what I look like or how I dress.
What my parents don’t understand is that no matter what I do or how I do it it seems to never be good enough and I am always doommed to fail. I have failed with my weight loss. I have failed trying to support myself and I have a mental illness they will never understand. Plus now I have this IBS and all my mom says is don’t eat this or that. But not eating this or that still doesn’t stop it and anything can trigger it. But since I have been taking probiotics and Vitimin B12 and Magnisim and calcium and Vitimin D3 I seem to have it under control for now.
Everytime my parents ask how I am I always say I am alright and nothing more because there is no sense of saying anything more because they will just tell me to stop complaining and if I don’t like something to do something about it. But I can’t and when I use to tell them they would tell me what I could do but then I say, if I do that I will get evicted and then they say well report her and then I will tell them if I do that I will get evicted. Then what I am looking for is for them to help me but they won’t. But they do think the slumlord is a witch so that is something.
Since I have lived here my parents have only been here once and they have never come back. But now I don’t want them here because of the smell the mold has and my dad has a compermised immune system and I don’t want him to get sick. And my mom would say that it looks like a pig lives here. So they just don’t visit. And plus I am not he perfect weight I need to be and I don’t want the looks.
I am finding that my family is becomming more stuck up each year as time passes. And I don’t like that. And it seems like my brother can do whatever he wants with out my mom critisizing him because he has the money and lives the high life and can do no wrong. But me because I don’t have the money I am a nothing and everything I do gets questioned and that isn’t fair.
Well, I guess I will just have to be the daughter who will never be what I was suppose to be and be perfect. I hate how people treat one another and call them names when it only makes their life worse. I hate how my parents think they are all that great and they can do whatever they want without anyone questioning them.

I just want to be accepted for who and what I am and be told that I am the best I can be.

Onto something else....

I finally got some laundry done and today I am going to be doing more. And as for the rest of the day I will be waiting for my grocery order so we will have the nesessities for the week or so.

I need to stop here....
Do have a great day…
Be Kind, Be Calm, Be Safe and Behave.

Last updated October 25, 2023