Okay. in Since OD is shutting down....

So it was a pretty hectic morning to say the least. We got up super early. Did breakfast and got her to school and then I went to my thing. I was pretty crabby because I struggle with mornings. I don’t know why, since I had a baby I’m used to being up but for the first hour I’m just a total drone.

So right before I left my thing, I get an email from CS. They told me he got out on PR, which means he paid $0 and he has a hearing on 12/7. I was so upset and fought back tears. I think it’s safe to assume that he’s not going to go out and get a job so I wrote back asking what happens if he doesn’t show up for the hearing and isn’t working. I would just like to know if there EVER going to be any accountability for him!

I’m just going to keep trying to find a job within school hours and doing what I need to in order to get myself where I want to be. Yeah, it’s pretty unfortunate that this is how things go but there’s no point in sitting around pissed off either. The guy knows he’s a worthless sack of shit that ain’t ever going to amount to anything so that’s enough for me. Everything happens for a reason, including this. I don’t get CS because I’m not supposed to. It sucks but I have to just keep going.

She wrote back and said that if he doesn’t make the hearing, they’ll issue another bench warrant. There’s really no point in that because he already had a warrant for 2 years and then sat in jail for 6 days getting out without paying. It definitely helps that she said she’s sorry and how unfair it is and how her kid’s Dad owes her 30K. I find comfort in people saying how sorry they are and showing compassion.

I think there’s a slight chance that he’ll get a job and pay it. Stranger things have happened. I don’t know if jail scared him enough though. I don’t see him wanting to stay at his sister’s place forever considering it’s overcrowded and they probably aren’t thrilled for him to be there again. But I think he could definitely get a job, we’ll just have to wait and see how that old cookie crumbles. I don’t expect it that’s for sure.

Honestly, I just hope all this makes sense one day. I just want to know why I had to go through all of this. I’m angry at myself for enduring his abuse so long but I also know that I will never allow it again. I remember watching the shit unfold yesterday and it helped me remember all the times he treated me like shit. I can’t handle his abuse and I will probably never be able to describe just how bad it was or how awful it made me feel. I remember so many times struggling to get through the day because of him and I will never have that for myself again. He’s a very hurtful, nasty person that’s going to end up alone.

I talked to my friend a few minutes ago and told him about the whole jail/no bond thing and he asked so if goes to jail again would he stay longer. Probably not because CS isn’t a violent offense and they like to empty the jails as much as they can. I think this is probably just going to be in and out thing where he’s never going to pay it.

I have a couple of phone interviews lined up. Tomorrow is at 1:15 and it’s from 11am-2pm Monday through Friday so hopefully I’ll get it. I would be super happy because it’s right within school hours, I would have time for myself after getting my daughter to school and it’s just a few hours to get me out of the house and make some money.

Over the weekend, I chose to unblock him and almost dabbled in the same bullshit but then after yesterday watching his drama unfold, I blocked him again. I just can’t focus on negative, unhealthy crap right now. I refuse to lose focus and get caught up in crap again.