Not Happy? in Me Being Me

There was a few years back when I was really happy until some life events happened and I still can’t quite get over them. But I am getting better as long as I don’t have to talk to them or look at them.
I do think I have at least one stalker here maybe more. It’s not so much they are looking at me what I am afraid of is that they will be causing more trouble and getting me kicked off of here. And others will block me also because of what she tells them. Why can’t she just go and live her pathetic life? I am living mine and I am doing fine for the most part.
And this morning I woke up cold so I know that there is something blocking the heat vents and I had to put on my heating pad and it still isn’t doing much.
And I still don’t feel like I have a real home or a place I can call home because nothing will get fixed. And it seems like the smell is still smellable and will never end until the source is gone and that is behind the wall which means the dry wall and wood have to come off and whatever is inside needs to be cleaned and replaced. And all I can see is a lot of dollar signs and she won’t fix it. But hubby says he will talk to her but he doesn’t want to bombbard her with everything at once so he said it will take time. I am not she will even listen to him and fix things. I just hope she isn’t a total bitch and will fix things just so I can wake up and not smell must or mold. And everytime I need to go tho the bathroom I see the water damage on the hall floor and then I smell the musty air in the bathroom. I did try airfresheners but they only lasted a week and then three days after they were gone the smell came back. So hubby says to just leave the cupboards closed and that should do it. But what I am finding is the longer the smell is still there it does get worse and once in a while I can smell it in the bathroom, especially when it’s damp after the hot water was used. And there is a tiny water leak where the pipes are in the ceiling and it drips at least 10 times a day. Just one drip but this has been going on since I have been here and evedently it’s a big job to fix because she has to take her toilet off the whole where her pipes are. I figure if a plumer came to fix it her would fix it in a day or two or even three but she is too cheap to get the job done right. Everything I need fixed is going to cost the maximum because it’s waited so long and everything just got worse so thechances of it being fixed is nil. And the crack in the laundryroom cement floor is now something like 2 inches wide is some parts but 10 feet long and getting longer and the two inches I can see is going to become a tripping hazzard.
I keep telling hubby I hate this place and the more I am here and have to look at what is wrong I get more depressed and my headaches get worse and I get more as the moths go on. If I have less then 4 a month that is not too ba. But in the last few months I have had about 10 a month and I always wake up with them and they take at least two hours to disappear and that is with medication. And because she has had a cat that died I had to get allergy medication because she smelled of cat and so did her home. But now she has a dog so she smells like dog and has it’s hair all over her and her home smells like dog too so I can’t talk to her no matter where she is. And after she comes here to fix things I need to take an allergy pill. And when the heat vents get really clogged I need to take another allergy pill but then she doesn’t care and doesn’t clean the heat vents like she should.
I understand that fixing things cost money but there has to be a budget for it and that money used for either fixing things or getting new appliences. I know it’s recommended to get new stuff like every 10 years when weird noises start happening. And buying used crap is not good because there are issues a lot sooner so it’s just wasting money.
My philosophy has always been buy the best you can and it will last longer. And if you can afford it then buy the top of the line.
And I can feel that it’s going to be a very cold winter and there won’t be much heat and I will feel cold all the time or my body will have the sweats. Like it’s 43 degrees now and there is no heat here. If there is there is none comming out of the heat vents. So the heat will come on somewhere around 8:00 am and then by 9:30 or 10:00 am I will go lie down and have a nap because then I can get maybe two more hours of sleep and feel a bit warmer when I wake up. And I go to bed anywhere from 8:00 pm to 10:00 pm while the heat is still on so I will get a few hours of sleep before I wake up cold. And no I am not going to use more blankets or more clothes because then I over heat and sweat more. And besides I shouldn’t have to do this since I am renting and some of the money should go towards the heat so I am comfortable. And even with the extra $50.00 I am paying for the carbon tax I am not getting anymore heat. Well, if I do get colder then I can always use my space heater and then the circut breakers will trip and some of her lights will get turned off. I am thinking when she goes on her winter trip I will use it then I can do the 5 minute test where I turn off all the lights and then turn them back on. What this does is cool the lights down and then whatver was tripped will be back on. The hydro company told me to do that and she told me if I ever did that again I would be evicted. And I am not to ever call the hydro company for any reason. But then that goes for any professional who can tell me what needs to be done.
And every comany I talk to I have to tell them that if anyone who is certified come to fix something I will get evicted and they are just lost for words and can’t undertsand why she would say something like that. And then they tell me they are sorry but there is nothing else that can be done. Then I ask them what the chances of something exploding and they say if it’s not serviced it could.

Onto something else....

I have a question for you? Why is it you stopped going to church? The reason I stopped going was because it was something like $600.00 a year for two seats and there was never a seat for just me. The only time I got to sit comfortably was when someone didn’t show up and I decided that I didn’t feel like being squished. And by the time I turned 16 I was just getting too big to be squished. And it was hard to understand what the Rabbi was saying. I don’t miss not going infact I really didn’t like it because the people I knew were all stuck up and I didn’t like that. And I had figured if I really wanted to pray I could pray anywhere and it didn’t have to be in abuilding I had to travel to. But then I am not a very good Jew and my knowledge of the religion is pretty good and the only things I do celabrate are about one holiday and I don’t really do all of the holiday just parts of it.
Well, I need to stop here…
Do have a great day…
Be Kind, Be Calm, Be Safe, and Behave.

Last updated October 24, 2023