Mental Health is expensive in Age 36

I need to talk to a therapist. I’m getting worse, and the meds I’m sure are keeping me from going overboard. I feel like a freaking failure. Like I can’t do anything right. I know that’s not right, because the logical side of brain knows this. I can keep logical thought, it’s the feelings that get in the way.

I can think I’m a boss so I want, but if I don’t feel it? That’s where confidence comes from mostly. Believing and feeling. Knowing is different. How many people know that they’re capable of whatever they put effort into? How many feel that? How many believe it?

I want to cry. All the damn time. It could be a culmination of just everything that’s happened since July. My mind can’t process anything else right now. My nerves are fried from overthinking and being anxious.

God I want this to go away. It’s not a physical illness, it’s a mental one. My own brain is my enemy. My feelings that get maximized without restraint that cause me to feel things that wouldn’t normally affect me. Routine feelings.

There is no routine mundane feelings for a person with mental illness. If you are reading this and have someone in your life with any kind of mental illness, know they don’t want this. Do you want diabetes or cancer? No right? We don’t want this either.