Wednesday. in Since OD is shutting down....

Alright so I get my little off to school, got breakfast and then went to my thing for a couple of hours. My time went pretty fast today because I talked to a couple caseworkers about him being in jail and what’s supposed to happen next. They had us stuffing folders and then some lady came to talk about credit and buying houses and blah blah blah. My caseworker said that basically since I’m only there like 10 hours a week and have so many appointments that I will only get credit for the ones relating to my back issues.

I’m annoyed because I literally have 1 friend that I talk to consistently and don’t get to everyday anymore because I have to be there. I wish I had more people to talk to but I don’t. So Tuesday I have to be there until like 9:30 before I get to leave and then Wednesday I have to be there before my dentist appointment. I’d be so happy to not have to go everyday but it’s looking like I’ll have to be there more than what I’m used to. I also asked about the stipend but since I didn’t get in all my hours last month, I won’t get it this time. I didn’t realize that your hours from the previous count for the current month.

So Mr. Man has court tomorrow morning. I’d like to be there but I’m too afraid that it wouldn’t be on screen and he’d see me. I don’t want him knowing that I care enough to show up. I tried to ask my brother to go but he just doesn’t see the point because we already know what’s going to happen. From what I’ve been told, he could sit there for a hot minute before going to work release. I guess he has court now because they have to give them court within 72 hours and weekends don’t count.

It’s very frustrating because then that means I’m stuck dealing with the TANF thing until he’s in work release. If he gets bonded out, I won’t get that money. I just don’t want to be on TANF forever because then they are going to get that money before I do and the CS payment is well over $100 than I get from TANF. We also don’t know how long it will be before he’s to work and how long he would be there and if he would keep a job once he’s out.

There’s no school on Friday so I have to reschedule my MRI because my brother has to work and there’s no one else to ask. I have left voicemails so hopefully they’ll call back by tomorrow. I’m really sick of there being no sitter outside of school.

But yeah, I’m going to be checking the inmate list tomorrow and see if he gets another court date and maybe email my caseworker because she’ll probably know something.

I just think about all the times I had asked him to help with her when I needed it most and he’d either become super abusive or just ignore me. I think about all the times he claimed to be working when he wasn’t, how many times he’d gotten jobs and didn’t show up or would quit before CS could garnish. How many times he worked under the table and not even help with a backpack. I think about the time when I had Covid and was actively dying and he still wouldn’t take her. I think about how he only made effort for about 3 months while he was with this last chick when he moved 3 hours away and it was the most consistent he had ever been.

It’s down right impossible to forget all of this shit and there’s plenty of reasons why I don’t feel bad that he’s locked up. He’s right where he needs to be. He’s only ever seen his child as his disposal and CS as an option.