26rd in Hey, buddy, got a light?

Well, my mom and I had a mini episode monday. Thank god I had to go to the DMV that morning to renew my license, it gave me a chance to get out and chainsmoke the stress away. She apologized when I got home. Yep, she did. Got her fuck up, 30yr old son living at home, doing jack shit, and she was sorry for saying honest to go true things. Then she said she’d be lost if anything ever happened to me.
Just before that, while at the dmv, the lady behind the counter asked if I wanted to be an organ donor. I said ‘you know what, sure, why not.’ I figured it’d be the beginning of the end. And then mom has to get all ‘mom’ on me and shit.
I want to die, you understand that shit, man? I legitimately hope and pray some fuckin whacko has me in his crosshairs or that some needledicked wannabe gangster fuckwit see’s me wearing ‘colors’ and shoots me.
Now though, I’ve got that weighing on my mind more than ever. I don’t WANT to hurt anyone with my death.

Oh hey another cool thing is my friends dad asked to suck my dick again, thats always fun. You know, being straight and having this married father of 3 (2 of which are near my age) just ask out the blue ‘oh hey, my offer still stands.’ I’m a wizard. I’ll most likely die this way. I ..shit, I’ve legitimately just lost all interest in any courtship or matters of that sort. I still get off like crazy, but thats it.
All this has taught me is I need to find somewhere else to smoke.
I’ve started drinking more. Might just be a mikes or a corona here and there, but I’m starting to like it.

I can’t even put into words how much I hate myself anymore.
Oh let me count the ways..
O-one..two..k..ka-five..?
..Atleast I’ve got you.