Connect in Current Events

I managed to reconnect to what I’m passionate about. It’s been work and school and I am losing myself in the shuffle. I need to get happiness from the source. What is the source? God.

I am fasting today. Yesterday my stomach was in a lot of pain. Tummy aches have not been a thing since I went vegan. Anxiety and panic attacks are the only times I experience pain in the abdominal area. It’s very easy to recognize what is happening when that happens because I experience everything all at once. Hunger, fullness, nausea, gas, defecation, urination, etc. It started at the gym, yesterday. I felt like I pushed myself too hard to the point where I wanted to throw up. I was also hit with a heavy case of lethargy.

English doesn’t have the requisite words to describe how heavy my lethargy was yesterday. I burned through all of my energy at the gym which wasn’t a mistake. My mind and body do need rest. I’ll get around to getting my bloodwork done next week. Just to make sure there are no underlying issues. I spent a huge portion of the day lying in bed. It was the internal reset that I needed for my mind. Today, I am letting my body have a reset with the fasting. Of course, I started it off with a coffee enema.

[TMI Warning]
Speaking of TMI, I am really frustrated with the fact that I cannot feel my orgasms. I can tell that my body is having it but it’s nothing. I went from neverending orgasms to nothing. I can feel my body heating up in the right places, I convulse like it’s happening but it isn’t there. Just .01%. I don’t understand what is happening. Is this a mental block? Is my root chakra clogged? Is there a medical issue? I decided to listen to some sexual coaches, for men. Just with an open mind as I’m a prude in this area. Heterosexual men, I should point out. Sexuality is a huge part of ourselves. A lot of our confidence comes from it, for starters. I understand that a lot of men do not explore their bodies. I have been doing that. The government sent me a random deposit, The Workers Benefit, and I just might use that to buy a sex toy. Another anal one. This is an area I am trying to wake my body up to. So far, nothing. Where is this pleasure these guys speak of? Maybe I need a partner. People are just so gross in my city. I tried twice today and I could tell that the orgasm I should have been experiencing was massive! But nope. My body turned that off. Maybe I need to detox this area as well, in a sense. Go on a long break.

I know my worth! But sometimes I’m having a flash sale. 50% off my standards for this day only!

I’m about to study for a bit and then finish my meal prep for the workweek. I have my yurting trip with the girls next weekend. I want to finish reading The Catcher in the Rye by then so I can read The Light of Egypt over that weekend. Then I have a cabin trip the weekend after that. I’m a little nervous about that trip because there will be a dozen people there that I do not know.

My roommate is house-sitting for somebody next month. I’ll take advantage of her not being here and actually record content. Actually, I think my side quest today will be to write down things that I need to do so that I can be more intentional.