Depression strikes again in Age 36

Hi there. I have had depression since about my early 20s. I am 36. I am on Celexa and Welbutrin and the combination seems to help me a lot. I can think clearly, I can go about my day. I feel “normal.” May I also add that I have an IUD and as such I no longer met menstrual cycles. Why is that important? Because my hormones wont’ fluctuate monthly as they normally would to accommodate the cycle.

That being said, I have my one cycle I get every 4 months or so. And this one is bad.

Not because of the bleeding, but because it affects the efficiency of the medications. Thus this is where I am now. I am extremely emotional. I want to cry about everything. But its not just being “sad.” I feel other things like not understood, alone, fed up with everything. This comes from multiple levels. Mostly I am those things, but also going through a depressive “episode” is lonely.

Its like being a diabetic. You can ‘t just take medications and poof! You’re cured! That’s not how it works. Like diabetes this is a life long thing that can be affected by many different factors. And when you’re going through an ‘episode’ no one, I mean NO ONE understands it. If you’re not depressed, you don’t get it. If you’re not diabetic, you don’t get it.

You don’t get the struggles and learning how to cope with it. Add on top of that having a family. My husband I am sure is sick of it. He’s dealt with it since it began. I think he’s just at this point, whatever about it. Because again, to someone who doesn’t deal with mental health issues, they see this as “Oh get over it.”

YOU CAN’T DIPSHIT. Don’t you wish I could? You think I wanna feel this way? Be emotional, crying, feel like a useless lump of flesh that is a burden on everyone? THAT SOUND GOOD TO YOU? Would you like to get over it? Yeah, me too.

So again, this is lonely. Its not something you can explain. It doesn’t have a physical connotation like diabetes where your body is sick. This is your mind. The most important thing about you some would say. I have no one to talk to. ‘TiredMom why don’t you try a therapist?” Someone gonna give me the money for that?

I’ve been like this for so long that I don’t even remember who I was. But I am sure I miss her. I want my mind to rest. I want to not feel like everything is a storm in a cup of water. I want this to go away and never come back.

Having the IUD help because, again, it takes away my cycles for the most part. So I do not always feel like this. But when I do....damn its debilitating.

Thank you to whoever reads this. This at least gives me the placebo effect that someone out there hears me.