Native American Day. in Since OD is shutting down....

We didn’t get up quite as early this morning. I made breakfast and then my daughter wanted to get cheese puffs and a couple other snacks at the store. I got my coffee and have since done dishes, vacuumed the living room and made lunch. It’s another warm, sunny day today which is nice because the weather is going to turn in the next couple of days.

I’m excited to do some shopping at Sam’s Club. They have a little bit different stuff and there’s some things I like to buy there. I’m adding stuff to my cart online and then I’ll go pick it up. I’m also excited to get gas there because it’s always cheaper.

I’ve done some investigating online. They still aren’t friends on Facebook and I’ve discovered another page for her, which I blocked. I honestly don’t care what they’re doing but I’m more interested in seeing if there’s even a chance that I might see CS. He’s still adding people from our town on his other website and old supplies to his Facebook. I have no doubt he’ll be coming back once he finds somewhere to freeload. I won’t be shocked if I hear from her and she tells me that he’s coming back and it didn’t work out. This girl KNEW what she was getting into and went for it anyway so I have no sympathy. It’s like don’t any of these girls think about why me and him didn’t work out? He’s crazy, selfish, mean, and lies way too much.

Tomorrow I don’t have anything planned except getting my daughter to school. I got to talk to my friend this morning and I’m hoping she’ll call tomorrow so we can talk.

My daughter isn’t really eating much for dinner so I’m worried she’s going to be hungry at bedtime. I made her some ramen but she’s not too interested in eating it. We gotta do bath time pretty soon and get ready for bed.

I’m definitely not ready for another week. I’m really anxious about my consult with the weight loss person on Thursday. I’m just hoping they can put me on a diet or medication to help with weight loss. The thought of surgery is extremely scary because of complications and I don’t have help here with my daughter. I’ve looked up the operations on Google and each one requires a few days in the hospital.

Life is going alright though. Not having contact with people who make me mad helps a lot. I’m pretty distant with my Mom because I don’t like being on speaker phone, asked about BD, and having to worry about her trying to mooch off me. It’s pretty crazy that no matter how many times I’ve mentioned their mooching, it just doesn’t stop so it’s easier for me and my well being to not try to maintain a relationship. I was going through my old phone the other day and found a text that I had sent her about how I wanted her to have a relationship with my daughter and it not having anything to do with my bank account.

I get that as you age, you become more set in your ways. I know there’s stuff about me that I don’t know if I’d change but if I constantly had people telling me that they didn’t want to have to give me money, groceries, or some type of help I would start paying attention. I wouldn’t want to lose people over that type of shit. I’ve gone without a lot in my life because of their money problems and I just won’t do it anymore. I share everything with my daughter and sometimes it’s kinda nice to have a little extra money for myself. I like being able to buy certain things for myself, even though I still share with my kid.

I remember even my uncle telling me that when it comes to my Mom, it’s pay to play. He was absolutely right. I told my Mom he said that and she says, “well, that’s mean” and it’s like yeah and it’s also true. My parents have this thing where if you have anything to do with them, it requires you to spend money. I remember when they lived 10 miles away from me and I’d plan to go visit them where I’d be over halfway to their house when she’d call back and ask me to get them groceries. I’d turn around and head home. I refuse to have a relationship with people where I have to be doing for them. My Dad is also a really big asshole if you show up without bearing gifts. I’ve showed up at their house before and didn’t bring money, food, beer and he was absolutely horrifying to be around until I finally got up and left.

I remember a few years ago, it was Mother’s Day and I called my Mom and told her I wanted to take her to lunch. She called back a few minutes later saying that my Dad and little brother wanted to also come along. I informed her that I didn’t have enough money to feed everyone so we’ll try for another time. I just don’t get how if you try to do something for her, you have to be doing for them as well. I was going to go until she said that and then I decided to go wash my car and come home to take a nap.

The overblown sense of entitlement is downright shocking. I feel so much better staying away from them and I also don’t want my kid growing up seeing this type of behavior and then her thinking you have to be giving people stuff for them to be nice to you or want a relationship. That’s not healthy. There’s been times where she has watched me dig out food from our pantry or cupboards and give it to them. I am so glad that I don’t do that anymore. I just don’t want her thinking that you have to be giving away your food.

My daughter is older now and definitely knows what’s going on. I want to set a really good example for her with how to set boundaries and have healthy relationships with people. I grew up not having role models and seeing situations that I didn’t want so I know what I want for my kid. My parents treat me like shit and always have so that’s why I don’t have much contact. I just want my kid to see healthy so she knows when she’s around people that are anything but.

It’s like my friend that pulled all that shit on me while we were there. She asked a few months ago if we were going to visit again. I told her that I didn’t want her growing up seeing adults act like that and her thinking it’s okay. She fully understands that we won’t be dealing with all that crap again. It’s not okay that he withheld money, held me captive, and called me every dirty name in the book in front of my kid and I will NEVER tolerate it again. He’s another one that’s full unaware of himself because he’s gotten away with far too much for far too long.

It’s just crazy that I’m better off being lonely then stuck around people who make me feel powerless against their behavior. I don’t like being made to feel that I don’t have say in what’s going on around my daughter or myself. I can’t stand being around people who have no impulse control and can’t self regulate. I can’t deal with people who have no emotional awareness and can’t seem to notice when they are making you uncomfortable. My brother does that. He LOVES to bring up shitty things I did in the past either to make me uncomfortable or trigger me to lose my temper.