Wednesday. in Since OD is shutting down....

I got my shower this morning, ate breakfast and got my kid ready and off to school. I came home and finished getting ready. It was cold so I blew my hair dry. I went to onboarding and got that done. I was starting to panic because we were in a basement of the building where it was a dead zone and I didn’t really have service and was starting to worry if they called from the school I wouldn’t get it. Thank God it was only 3 hours. I had to go back so they could make a copy of my SS card because I totally forgot to bring it.

I also got my medications and some soda from the store. I’ve eaten lunch and I’m just relaxing. My back was starting to hurt pretty good so I was super glad when it was over. I have another appointment on the 7th and it’s a 4 hour thing so I’ve asked my brother if he can get my kid and he said it’s a Tuesday so he should be able to. I really hope he comes through because I need to get this appointment over with and I don’t have anyone else to help with her.

It sucks that it’s a 4 hour thing. I was really hoping to be done with appointments after last week and it gives me a lot of anxiety that this one is going to be for several hours. I’m annoyed that it’s not for a month so I have to worry about it until then. I’m going to try and forget about it because there’s no sense in freaking out right now.

But yeah, my daughter won’t be staying with them again. There’s a lot of extra things that she told me that I’m not comfortable with. I let her know how sorry I was and that she won’t be going again and if her Dad wants to see her, we can arrange to meet up somewhere. He only cares about pictures anyway so therefore it’s just not necessary for them to take her 3 hours away to snap a bunch of pictures for social media.

I’m pretty bummed because I know that she liked to go but she knew this shit wasn’t right. I feel bad for her and it also means that I can’t ever plan a break again. I was able to make money and have some fun but it probably won’t happen again. I’m not going to worry about anyone giving her gummies at bedtime, her wearing a pull up, or being in a room with the lock on the outside of the door. I remember when she first came home and was really bothered by the kids wearing pulls up when they are 5 and 7. Then she tells me she also was required to wear one. I guess even though she told them she didn’t need it, they said how they didn’t care.

I walk this fine line between wanting her to see the truth and just wanting her at home where I know she’s safe. I get that she’s 6 and can tell me what’s going on but she’s still too little to be taken seriously by them and I just feel too much went on for too long.