Edge in Current Events

To no one’s surprise, my depression bubbled up again. I was fine yesterday evening when I did some light studying. My heart drops and my hands begin to tremble whenever I think about it today. I am having a glass of wine as a desperate attempt to try and take the edge off. Enough already!

I am wondering if this is a lame trauma response to what happened to me in that physics class I dropped at the beginning of the year. This time last year, I was taking my math course. It was a shock to my system as it had been 20 years. Not to mention that going back to school was my worst nightmare for my social anxiety. However, it wasn’t causing me to feel depressed. I didn’t realize that this current course I’m taking was only available in September so I decided to take something as filler because I didn’t want the time off. I signed up for physics and it wrecked me. It was way too math-heavy. This chemistry course is feeling too math-heavy. I don’t know what to do.

That friend I was worried about, I found her online. She’s an online friend to begin with but she disappeared from her usual socials. She’s on Facebook, I discovered. I added her and did a wellness check. She is doing well. She has a podcast and was finding the negative interactions too toxic. Also, the harassment from other content creators trying to get her to do this, that and the other thing was too much for her as well. She took a break. I fell asleep so relieved. She still wants to go live with me. I’m pretty much ready when she is.

Anyway, consider the edge gone. I’m going to go study now for Christ’s sake.