Sunday morning. in Since OD is shutting down....

We went and did breakfast again and now we’re home. I’ve done dishes and picked up the house. I’m glad that I don’t really have to do laundry for a couple of more days.

The whole thing with the deadbeat has me thinking. As many times as I’ve told my daughter, “if you see him, you see him and if you don’t, you don’t” well I need to have that same energy with child support. I could absolutely drive to where he is and try to get the order established there but there’s still no promise that it would get paid because he lives in a place that doesn’t comply with child support orders.

My brother told me the other day that I need to just accept that I’m not going to get it. He’s absolutely right. I think it’s best to just leave it where it’s at and let the pieces fall where they may. There’s no changing this shit whether I keep pursuing it or not. He knew he was moving to a place where it would be even harder for me to receive CS and I think it’s pretty disgusting that this guy has gone above and beyond to fuck me over.

I’m trying really hard to not be pissed anymore. After yet another 2 years of not receiving payment, I should be pretty well adjusted to it by now. I need to just see it as if I get it then that would be nice and if I don’t, it’s still adding up every month and I just hope at some point he’s going to be faced with jail time.

Since he wants to make life difficult for me and my child, I really hope he never plans to see her again and just leave us alone. I’ve done everything I could on my end for this to be a civil situation for my child while he does what he can to poison her against me. There’s no point in having anything more to do with him and my daughter still tells me shit every day. She was just telling me this morning that his gf was smoking with my kid in the car and that’s a definite no from me. There’s NO REASON why children need to be exposed to selfish behavior such as this. I will never allow this crap again.

A lot of my anger stems from feeling that they just took advantage of me being reasonable and they didn’t feel like they needed to have a lot of respect for me or my kid. It’s like when they didn’t return her when they were supposed to and did that twice. I was never comfortable with her going 3 hours away and to a place where if they decided to keep her, it could be one helluva fight to get her back. I also have found the gf lying as well so I think when he decides in 6 months that he wants to see her again, there needs to be a court order established.

Since he doesn’t have to comply with the CS order, I’m not going to be very compliant either. I guarantee he’ll want to see her again and I’ll make sure to be just as shitty. I’m seriously too concerned about my daughter being around them and still feel fortunate that I got her back in one piece. I shouldn’t feel like that. I should have been able to feel that she was safe the whole time and was in a clean, suitable house.

Anyways, I’m going to do my thing tomorrow. I don’t have anything planned Tuesday and then Wednesday it’s the orientation thing. I still need to get quarters because it’s downtown and I have to pay for parking. I don’t know how soon after I’ll have to take that test but I want to get the practice tests printed out and start having an idea of what the questions will be like.

We went to a different park for a couple of hours. The kids were a lot more friendly this time around and my daughter had a great time. It’s pretty warm today and I’m glad to be in and out of the sun. I’m definitely feeling kinda tired because we got up so early again. I miss being able to ever sleep in. I’m just so tired. Not sure if it’s stress induced but I’ve had a horrible headache off and on today as well.

We had pizza and watched a movie. She’s in the bath and then we’re going to lay down with our phones. I’m just really tired today. Probably because I was hoping to get some extra sleep this morning but that didn’t happen. I would seriously be so happy if there was someone to get her ready and take her to school even once a month. Ugh, my heart is tired. I keep going but sometimes I just wish it was a little easier.