September 21 - Too Sensitive in The Beginning

I’ve always been a very sensitive person, I’ve always tried to impress people, I don’t like confrontation and I feel like a failure when I let someone down. This has been me my entire life. I hate it. I wish I could be someone else. It causes me a great deal of sadness and a great deal of frustration to those who don’t understand what I’m m talking about about. They think of me differently, they think its like a switch I can turn off. Its gotten to the point for the last few years, that if I kill an ant, I feel shattered. I’m too goddamn sensitive. Years of loneliness, years of other people telling me how I should be, years of failing to be somebody that I’m not to try to please them, years of relationship failure (both paternal and romantic).

Despite all of this, I am at a good point in my life. I just wish I could change it somehow. Maybe my secret wish is that I could be understood more and people respect me more. Perhaps, they already do. Maybe now I just need to build up my confidence, shatter the mould of self-crippling doubt that’s been built on top of me for years and just fucking go for it.