The Good Ol Days in Journey Back to ME

So one of my students was telling me how one of her classmates or her “best friend” was coming over to her house after school. I thought about how I spent every day at my best friends house growing up. She and I also met in the 3rd grade and were inseparable until about our Junior year in high school. I think about how my kids haven’t gotten to experience having friends that are neighbors. The closest they had to having friends next door were the thieves (see previous entry), and they were always so needy that it wasn’t exactly a joy to play with them. We live in an apartment building now, and as far as I know no one else in my building has kids my childrens ages. My complex has an online portal where you can post, and I was thinking about putting out a message looking for other parents of children their ages. I wasn’t sure if that would be weird or not, but it would be cool for them to have friends that they could play with outside of school and daycare. We don’t live near my sons school, and my daughter goes to a private school, so most of the kids don’t live anywhere near the school. I’ve yet been able to set an actual “play date” that the parents of friends she actually likes will follow through with. There’s always an excuse, and after trying a few times, I tend to give up. One of her best school friends and her keep asking for a playdate. The mother and I finally exchanged numbers before Summer, and then I reached out once and was met with. “We’re going out of town, I’ll let you know when we’re back in town”. I saw her a few times at the soft ball games, and she would go “yeah we need to get the girls together”…and that was the extent of it. She reached out to me the other day saying that we could set up a playdate because her daughter told her that my daughter told her that she needed to have her mom reach out to me. So I let her choose the date. We agreed on the 23rd of this month (this was a date she gave me as an available date). Today she sent me a text saying “I forgot that I have family coming into town that day. Can we reschedule for the 30th?” Well the 30th is he that shall not be named’s daughters slumber party, and I’ve been asked to be the female chaperone. So I let her know that I cannot that day. She offered the next day as an option, but it’s a sleep over and after spending a night with however many 8/9 year olds, I’m not going to want to have a play date with another one. So there’s the extent of that…

I don’t mesh well with the stay at home married moms. I don’t mesh well with the snooty moms. I still have yet to make any actual friends here, and even the ones that are “almost cool enough” either have grown children or very young children, and that doesn’t help me in the department of having the kids be able to play together. TO THIS DAY, the only “friend” I have for my kids that they have gone to their house and hung out with outside of school or daycare is He That Shall Not Be Named’s daughter. We haven’t gone over there in ages and quite frankly I am okay with that.

Anyway, I noticed over the Summer that I just felt better in general when I wrote every day. I am trying to get back into that habit of that. Not focusing on any topic in particular. School is going great for the kids. My son is SO SMART. Just 2 years ago, I was worried shitless because oh his speech delay, and now you should hear some of the shit that comes out of his mouth. He’s so SMART, and he remembers EVERYTHING. My daughter has been doing great as well. She’s had 100% on all 3 spelling tests so far this year. She had her first football game for cheer a few weeks ago. She had her first Girl Scout meeting yesterday. This Friday, the 3rd graders from her school are reciting the constitution for Constitution Day. Each 3 grader will recite a section of the Constitution. Not only has my daughter perfected her pronunciation of all of her words, but she MEMORIZED THEM! That child amazes me! She’s been doing EXCELLENT in school. At home, not so much. Both of my kids have been lying lately. Even about dumb things like “I washed my hands”, but the point is that they’re both lying ALL of the time now. My daughter is not only lying but she has been caught stealing from me and others as well. I’m just generally exhausted in the mother category.

We have a new principal this year at my school and it has been an absolute struggle to get the motivation to even WANT to come to work anymore. It amazes me how different the atmosphere feels. She’s not outwardly mean or rude or anything, she just doesn’t feel genuine. As a people person that reads people and their positive energies…she is as phony as they come. There’s something extremely off putting about her, and the fact that she tries so hard to go out of her way to interact with me while simultaneously micromanaging me is annoying as well as the fact that she’s been on a power trip since she got there. I am AMAZING at what I do. I genuinely love kids, love teaching, and enjoy LEARNING. The kids LOVE me. I’m not just saying that, but it has everything to do with the fact that I listen to them, I support them, I’m tough on them, I challenge them and most importantly, I LOVE ON THEM! I recognize them. I hug them, I hand shake them, I greet them by name, I ask about little brothers and sisters and moms and dads and what they ate for dinner or did on the weekend. I actually TALK TO THEM and LISTEN. Every day! I’m not an employee that you want to lose because I’m ABSOLUTELY dedicated to my craft. Every single day this school year, I have contemplated leaving and being DONE. It says a lot…

Anyway, I have a “friend” whom I went through my Phlebotomy certification with that lives nearby. I’d say she lives within an hour of where I live. She also actually works in the city where I live. I’m always making posts on facebook about all of these events that go on that I wish I had someone to go with me to. One day she said, “Hey I would go to this with you”, so I reached out to her via messenger in hopes of rekindling our friendship and exchanging numbers. We talked about how we both forget that each other lives nearby and that we’ll consider each other more and reach out more. I tagged her in a few events coming up and asked if she’d be interested in going, and it’s been SILENCE and crickets ever since.

My kids and I did a color run over the weekend. I did exchange numbers with another mom there that we had met at another event before. She has one kid. Her son is older than mine but younger than my daughter. He seems so soft spoken. My kids are the exact opposite. Anyway, she and i sent a few exchanges back and forth that day, and haven’t spoken since, so maybe I’ll reach out to her this evening just to say HEY. LOL. I’ll let you guys know how that goes.