spontaneous in Random Thoughts

Here I am, trying out a semi-regular post.

I think i’ve been feeling the wellbutrin. My sleep is heavier. I feel a little more centered. Today I have a headache, all day. Also, i feel sick, so that could be the reason. I had a tiny cold over the weekend and thought it was gone....

It’s all those kid germs, from my school or River’s preschool. Bleh.

I test drove a Honda HR-V today. It seems to tick all the boxes for what I need. I’d like to try a couple more. A Toyota, a Mazda.

I did something spontaneous yesterday morning. I bought a one way ticket, business class, for River and I do London right after school is out in June. I am always trolling good deals for business class because I want the experience. These I was able to get with flyer miles on my Alaska Airlines account, 57.5K each. Felt like a good deal to me. Whether it was or not.... doesn’t matter. I feel good about it. And I also felt sick all day with worry about it yesterday.

L is back from his mom’s funeral. I do not feel like I had before where I want to see him (and the attraction). I think having a second time where he puts a “pause” on talking with me really cleared any inclination I had toward dating him. I feel guilty because he is deep in his grief and really wants to see River and I. He is coming over for dinner tonight and we have plans Saturday. I wonder if this can just be a friends with benefits thing? Or if we just need to go back to being platonic. I just don’t want to hurt him while he is grieving. Also, I don’t want to lead him on. It’ll be a fine line.

I need some sleep and meditation. My brain is so foggy right now.