This IS happening. And this IS real.
Everything is flashing before my eyes. Like a movie. A movie with a tragic ending.
I'm playing myself. As I watch it on playback, I really see everything for what it was. I was so in the moment through all of it, I never thought. I never thought how I was making him feel. Only now, when I feel those feelings he felt and see him watching me drown in tears and self-pity, do I see what I did to him. Hindsight. Fuck.
But now it's done. I have to remember who I was before Steve. I didn't want the happy, married life. I didn't want it because everyone wanted it for me. "Oh, Sarah. You need to find you a husband." Maybe that's why I did everything I did. I don't know that either.
All I do know, is I don't want this. I don't think I'm ready to let go. But I also think that because my ego is bruised.
This is a really shitty time. And it IS over. And... Fuck...
"I wish you would just leave!"
Be careful what you wish for...
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