wellbutrin in Random Thoughts

I’m trying my first pharmacological intervention. Last night I took my first (low) dose. The dr is starting my off slowly. It’s an anx/dep med but mostly i am using it for my ADD-like symptoms.

Turns out my not-partner, more than friend just needed time away from talking and all the intense sadness and pain was for-reals just my attachment disfunction. Good to know. This is the way is happened when we were dating a few years back too. I’d mid judge the intensity of my reaction for an “oh no i want to be with you, i love you” when it was really something (currently) beyond my control.

The reason i know this is because it happened again and my reaction was “ok, i’ll wait for you to contact me” without missing them or feeling the intense sadness.

Turns out i like the physical intimacy and the support he gives me with relief from parenting. I don’t want to date him, though i really like his company. I’d be open to very slowly spending time together to see if feelings develop. But that’s it.

I don’t look forward to when we actually have to hash this out. L is a mess since his mom died and I want to support him the best i can. I’m just afraid we will eventually have to talk about things (duh) and i don’t want it to be when he is in emotional crisis from his mom.

school has started and i am sooooooo happy. River is in childcare 5 days a week. I have 2.5 days off to myself. Her new preschool is only $700 (us) dollars/mo, which is up to $600 less than her previous place. I can exercise, take care of my physical body, meditate, do yoga, perhaps get back to therapy. And not feel like i have to use the food bank at the end of the month like i was before.

Now, saying that, i am looking to buy a new (to me) car. I have some savings from the house fire and i’m closing out a little low interest retirement acct ($7k) and looking to trade my 2017 Corolla in for a smaller crossover SUV. I need something with higher ground clearance for my outdoors needs. And perhaps more room in the back (though my trunk feels spacious).

I always says this, but my goal is to write on here more often. Maybe I can make that part of my regular part time schedule this year.