Insecurities in Current Events

I was feeling fun and confident and decided to play around with my new microphone and get myself comfortable in front of the camera. In no time I became miserable and insecure. I was face to face with every little insecurity.

I’m tired of hating what I see in the mirror. That’s only going to get worse as I age. There isn’t a lot that I can do about my issues. I immediately went and looked online to find who does fractional resurfacing laser treatments. Perhaps a localized phenol peel is what I could use. These acne scars deeply affect my psyche. They are the battle scars I got from having cystic acne. Quitting dairy was the permanent solution to that one. I had it until I was 30. I’ll talk to my doctor about it, maybe he can find a way to get it funded.

Then there is my body. I look scrawny no matter what I do. Until I get bloated from indigestion. Claudia put her hand on my stomach yesterday and made a joke about me being pregnant. Well, I know how to reset that. I have my coffee for my enema cooling down as I type. Moral of the story, I just need to hit the gym. I would be there right now if I wasn’t doing a coffee enema. The girls want a pool day and then my roommate wants to go to the beach today as well. I don’t want to be a bloated mess. I know exactly what caused this and it had been an issue all week. Noted.

Ariyan Akaltun is fitness goals. Just everything goals. He’s such a good looking dude I can’t even stand it. #Habibi
https://instagram.com/ariakaltunfit?igshid=MzRlODBiNWFlZA==

I started taking a silica supplement because I concluded that I had a deficiency. The indent on my nails were just about grown out but it’s growing back in. The cellulite looking situation along the sides of my torso look worse. Well, maybe? They’re not tight, they’re very loose looking now. Maybe that’s a positive? The bald patches on my legs have filled in. I have coverage for naturopathy now. What I have for my group benefits resets in January. I’m using what I have for osteopathy first and then I’m going to use it for naturopathy. There is one that my buddy John goes to in Selkirk. She doesn’t play germ theory or LARP the pandemic. Fuck it, I’ll book it.

Then I was considering getting my brows micro bladed to match the bold glamour filter on TikTok. I been using castor oil on my brows and lashes just out of curiosity to see if they would grow them and my lashes are definitely a little more full and longer.

Then there is my gay voice. Instead of finding tutorials online on how to talk from my chest voice naturally I went to bed to sleep the mood off. The whiskey didn’t help the situation at all. I feel guilty about drinking it. Oh well.

That’s just some of my pitiful physical insecurities. I do like my bone structure. I love my height. I like my teeth. I’m not insecure about my endowments. I like my long neck. My booty flirts with people when I’m not looking. I like that I don’t grow body hair. Though my metabolism makes it hard to gain weight I would rather have that problem than the other one. My body does things naturally that a lot of people my age can’t and I don’t take them for granted. I’m grateful. Mind you, I earned those privileges. Disease and health are created.

In my astrological birth chart, my Chiron is in the first house. Physical insecurities is my wound that I carry. I’m hexed. Of course, I should learn to let go of my ego and just be.

What really psyches me out when I try to record content, or even just record to play around, is the feeling of my roommate coming home. I need her to be gone. I only have a couple hour window. She also works Mon-Fri so the weekends are a bust. For now. I can absolutely become a person who just does it.

On with my day then. I slept in until 4:50 a.m. lol. It’s going to be a long one. It’s also going to be a hot one. Hottest day of the year so far. The last hoorah before autumn starts. Before school starts. It’s definitely worth a beach day.