Saturday - 23.08.14 in Your Face

Dinner with my friends last night was nice. I stayed at my sister's house, slept on the couch. Actually, I passed out just after 10pm, I was so tired.

The girl that wants to buy my car wants to come during the week, after she gets paid. I am feeling grumbly about that, but will give her the benefit of the doubt. I have three other people buzzing around and asking me about it, so if I don't lay eyes on this girl by Friday, it's open market. I might be being too nice about it, but I do think it's the right thing to do to give her the benefit of the doubt, she did get in first. It just means I am able to get myself to and from work in the car for a few extra days.

I didn't do much today. I fretted about how little cash I had, after finalising the extra registration on my car (required, because the registration was to run out on 7 September, and people are weird and won't buy a car unless it has plenty of registration on it - I added another six months worth). I counted up $32 dollars and took myself to ALDI where I spent $21 on groceries, which are mainly pasta and sauce, conditioner, crackers (I already have Vegemite to put on them) and some cheese. Add that to the few things I had left from my food stockpile and I am in a good position to get myself through to Wednesday when I get paid. Actually, it turns up on Tuesday night, but I doubt I'll be bothered dealing with it then. It's funny how we do different things when the money gets low. For me, I make sure I have enough fuel in my car to get me anywhere that is a necessity (i.e. work) and that I have some groceries to feed myself with. I know people who would rather just hold the few dollars, and not buy food until absolutely necessary. It just depends what makes you feel more secure, I guess. I have an intense fear of hunger, stemming from my days of starving myself. Hunger makes me feel awful, makes me feel anxious and upset, as I felt in those days. That's why I continue to maintain a chubby weight level, because I do NOT want to feel that twist of the stomach, the feeling of marbles rolling around in a bowl. That's terrible, because at the same time, I think that someone who doesn't feel hunger is over-eating. You should feel hungry at normal times, and be looking forward to a meal, not shovelling food in constantly. Anyway, that's something I'll keep debating with myself.

For the rest of the day I sat on my bed and watched Orange Is The New Black (one episode left to go!) and did a shit ton of French knitting. I need to do a heap of laundry but, of course, mother has left wet stuff in the machine all day. There are no washing baskets because they are full of weird shit that she pulled out of the shed last week. I don't know why she bothered washing today, because it was raining all day (as it has been all week) and she has nowhere to hang it. I'm rambling. My point is, get your shit together, people! We all need to use the machine, I think they're just being dicks when they do stuff like that, knowing that no one else can use it.

I went to see my neighbour's mother (who is also my neighbour, but it's easier to differentiate if I refer to her as his mother). I am very nervous that she will pass away soon. She is unhappy and "ready to go". She's 91 in two weeks and has suffered a lot of ailments in her life. I just don't want her to go, which is so selfish of me. I also worry a lot about my neighbour, who will fall apart when she dies, and who will also have nowhere to live. Their house is owned by the Department of Housing and they live there due to her ill health and his role as a carer. Once the patient is gone, he will need to find a new home.

Mother wanted to go to the club for dinner, and paid for Chinese for my brother and I. We sat and had a decent time, the food there is very nice. I was glad to come home, though, and hibernate in my cave. I still feel tired and want to unwind.

My mind is racing, thinking about my documents sitting in a mail centre, waiting to go to the US Consulate. Thinking about how it would be awesomely convenient if they scheduled my interview for the week after I finish temping so I don't have to take time off. At the same time, I am trying to SQUASH all hope. We've had so many bloody hurdles in the last year, some our fault, some not. I don't want to be disappointed if I am delayed again, although I cannot think of a single reason to delay me.

It's funny, though. Things are just falling into place all over again. It's like I was saying the other week, once I stop trying to swim against the current and just let things happen as they are supposed to, it all starts to work out. I am a firm believer in things happening for a reason, and I read a lot into coincidences, and I can back my beliefs up with a million examples. This might be my religion, ha!

Anyway. I am tired, so I am going to let myself go with the current and SLEEP.