3 Am Really Sucks The Big One.... in Me Being Me

There must be something really wrong with my sleeping because not only do I wake up at crazy times in the middle of the night and stay up but I wake up hot and sweaty and more often then not with a headache. And it’s very rare that I wake up in a good mood.

Onto something else....

And to add to my bad mood there is my mother who is the most unsupportive mother there could ever be. I talked to her yesterday and told her I got diagnosed with IBS and she said “so lots of people have that and it’s not a big deal” The first thing I thought of was I am not a lot of people I am me so it’s different for me. I know a lot of people have this and I am sure some of them are much worse then mine but mine is new so to speak because I have only had this for about two years. And since I have been diagnosed I am reading about it and getting information so I can find out what triggers mmy stomache to be walking really fast to the bathroom and creating mud pies. So far I know I can’t have greasy foods and I can’t have sauces that have milk in them or cream and sugar is not a good thing. But yesterdays dinner went down pretty good so far nothing, but then the day is young. Why is it there are some people who just can’t be more supportive and more caring? And I am sure my mom blames my life style so there is no sense in even talking about it with her or telling her how I am feeling. And she wonders why I don’t want to see them or go out for meals with them.
My aunt from the Island is comming on Tuesday for some reason. Probally to visit with my dad because it’s his sister. And my mom aske dif I wanted to see her and I said no and then when she asked why I donld her I didn’t know how I would be feeling. But then I saw I had an appointment that day but I didn’t tell her.
The reason I don’t want to see my family is because I haven’t been feeling all that great for a really long time and I am also more fat then I was 5 years ago and I just don’t want the looks and disappointment that they have and the reminder of how much of an idiot I am for gaining all of my weight back. Plus there is the stresses of the slumlord not fixing things. yesterday I found sawdust on the cement floor in the laundry room so now there is a new batch of wood bugs. Or maybe it’s the same ones and they just moved to a different place. But hubby saw it and he will tell her at some point. I have visions of the wood ceiling that is covered by instalation that it will just turn into powder and the whole ceiling will disinergrate into dust. That should be fun to watch.

Onto something else…

All of my bills are paid and my rent check is written out and ready to be given to the slumlord so she can use it to waste the money on something stupid.
And for dinner I am thinking porkchops but I am not sure if I even want to eat but I will see how I feel when dinner time comes around. And also today my grocery order is comming so we will have the odds and ends we need for a week or so.
Well, it’s that time where I need to stop and start my day…such as it is…
Do have a great day…
Be Kind, Be Calm, Be Safe and Behave.

Last updated August 23, 2023