Son being hospitalized pt 4 in Age 36

I am truly pissed off and frustrated. He is still having cyclic fevers despite being physically better than when he came in. What the heck is going on in his body? I want to know! I keep trying to hang on to my faith and I have moments where I think I am good, but I also need direction there. I need Him to speak to me. I need Him to tell me why this happening. Why is He putting a child through this?

I want to go back to a month ago where he was still a normal 6 year old who had never been to a hospital unless it was the urgent care for a cough or cold. Are there any parents out there who can give me a sense of direction? Is there anyone anywhere who has the answer.

I am on my knee yelling out to God, screaming that I am mad at him, hurt, that I want my son’s suffering to stop. Not because of myself, though I am going insane, but for him. Why hasn’t he let this end? Why am I still here in the hospital with him?

Please my Lord I need direction, closure, guidance. I need you to grab me by the shoulders, shake me, and slap me a couple of times if necessary to show me your truth.

Help me Father, please.