Daughter coming home. in Since OD is shutting down....

So I’ve been pretty busy making money and hanging out with my brother. They’ll be bringing my kid home tomorrow afternoon. I am so beyond ready to have her back with me. I got her some more clothes today and applied for TANF.

I slept about 2 hours last night so I really need to try and take a nap. I know I’m going to be dragging by this evening if I don’t get some sleep.

We have just about everything we need for back to school. I guess there’s the open house on the 17th and I’m pretty sure I’ll sign her up for the after school program so we can’t miss it. I don’t want to go but we have to. They didn’t get to do the waterpark because the girlfriend was sick and they were sad about it but my kid has gotten to play with other kids this whole time. I know she’s going to be ready to come home and recharge.

The grocery shopping happened about 6am and got everything put away. The house is clean but I want to get laundry done.

Applying for TANF is a really sucky thing because I don’t to have to be there but I’m hoping I can work it out where I would only have to be there a few hours a week or not at all because of my back problems. All I know is I can’t sit here by myself anymore while my daughter is in school. I did it enough last year and my mental health took a serious dive. I’m hoping they can get me into a program or I will be able to find a job where I’m either moving around or sitting most of the time.

There’s only so much I can do by myself with no village. I’m very angry that any time I tried to explain this shit to him, he would just become mean and abusive. I wish I felt comfortable explaining my situation to his girlfriend but I’m too afraid she’d offer to keep her until I get things figured out schedule wise. I refuse to be away from my daughter for months at a time and I’d still have all the same barriers when she came back anyways. I also don’t want him to have her and then feel he shouldn’t have to pay CS. He’s left me to be a single Mom up until 3 months ago and owes thousands of dollars.

I just want to find a job that I can handle physically or try to get back into school. I want better things for my daughter. My car isn’t going to last forever and I’d like to plan on finding a bigger place. All this takes money so I need to be making it somehow. I’m angry that I have herniated discs which really messes with my head. I know that I can’t do the same stuff as normal people and it drives me insane.

Being a single Mom is the hardest thing I have ever done. I would honestly love for her Dad to explain to me what exactly I’m supposed to do with little to no help from him and the lack of financial support. I sit here and think about what’s going to happen if I get a job and then there’s no school, she’s sick, or has to be picked up early. He’s never cared because it’s never been his problem.

I’m tired of acting like everything’s okay and it’s perfectly fine for me to have zero fucking help. It makes me so angry that there’s no reasoning with they guy at all. The only reason there’s any involvement now is to impress the girlfriend. He didn’t care whatsoever up until 3 months ago. I am responsible for every aspect of taking care of another human and when she comes back, there won’t be if or any breaks at all until school starts.