I have been thinking in Each Day

I feel like pieces of my insides are like a jenga set, but instead of taking order and making it chaos until it collapses, I feel like the opposite is happening. The chaos is becoming organized, and I have had an unusual feeling of peace and calm that I have not felt in a very long time. It’s nice. It feels like progress. I have more moments of “I can live like this” than my previous “I can’t live like this”.

As I’ve been feeling better I’ve noticed a pull towards spirituality that I haven’t felt in a long time. I started thinking about setting up an altar in my bedroom (the cats might have something to say about this, though). I haven’t figured out what any of this means yet, but I’ve been following a pagan subreddit and reading about shadow work, and easing myself back into the world.
One of the biggest issues I have had with the community has been cultural appropriation. The thing is, Wicca is very white, which is culturally appropriate. But it seems a lot of white women reaaaallly love to steal Indigenous culture in the name of paganism. And I get it (but don’t accept it). They’re both earth based spiritualities. But there are inherent Indigenous things that I wish the white folks would just leave alone. Smudging is the big obvious one. Smudging is Indigenous, but many other cultures use smoke cleansing as a practice (I was just reminded of catholics swinging the metal censers, for example). The whole crystal thing is another appropriation. I love rocks as much as the next little goblin, the shinier the better, but at least acknowledge the origins of the beliefs if you’re going to use it in your practice. I do plan to use the rocks and crystals I have collected on my altar, but I don’t know how to do that appropriately, yet.
So, I continue to read and think. I’ve even taken on a larger knitting project and feeling some good focus (maybe a bit of hyperfocus, but not so much that I’m not able to function) over it.
I’m also thinking of doing more meditation again, but, like, properly, no more of the laying in bed and falling asleep meditation haha.
I have therapy tomorrow. I’m curious what will come of it.