Bored. in Since OD is shutting down....

My daughter went to the park with her big yesterday and then got a drink at the mall. She came home and took a nap. I got to watch my show for a little bit and just pick up the house. This morning I made breakfast and then she wanted to get raspberries at the store so we did that. It’s already massively hot and we have nothing to do for the rest of the day.

That event we have starts on Friday but I won’t have any money or a babysitter. I’m glad everyone else gets to go and have a good time. This will be the 3rd year in a row that I get to stay home and be a Mom. I asked my brother if he could watch her on the 9th but he said they already have their nights planned and my Mom isn’t allowed to come babysit so I’m screwed like usual. My daughter lost a tooth yesterday so I messaged her Dad and he sounded shocked. Apparently he doesn’t know that kids lose their baby teeth.

We talked to my Mom yesterday where my daughter asked her to come over and she said she didn’t know and we’d have to see. Needless to say, didn’t hear back from her for the rest of the day. It’s funny that she’s gotten a job and starts soon but can’t ever come over to hang out with my kid.

I have an appointment on Tuesday but I’m probably going to reschedule for after school starts. I also have my ablation on the 9th but it’s too stressful asking my Mom to help so I’m going to reschedule that too. We have 3 weeks until school starts and I never have a sitter so I need to wait until she’s in school again to get stuff done. Even when my Mom says she’s going to help, she always ends up with, “I forgot” and I don’t want to think she’s going to watch her and then she doesn’t so I think it’s best to just schedule everything when I know I’ll have childcare.

It’s really hot already and I have the AC on. My daughter is watching tv in the livingroom and I’m going to watch something in my room. I just feel bad that there isn’t more to do and there’s never anyone to hang around with.

Sometimes the guilt just kills me. I wish I could have done better by my kid. I know she gets lonely and needs more people than just me but I can’t force anyone. I try to remind myself that we have just 3 weeks and then she’ll be back in school and playing with other kids. It shouldn’t be like this but we just have to get through. I spent much of her nap yesterday crying my eyes out and I would give anything for things to be better than this. I just wish I could give her better. People that actually cared.