l lost the real entry. You get this shit instead. in Each Day

I came here to write about my mood, my first EMDR session, and then get into birthday stuff…
Instead, in trying to copy/paste a too-long excerpt I ended up somehow writing over the entire lengthy entry I wrote.
Last week I was still feeling overheated, and my mood just would not improve. M and I had a depressing conversation about how shitty people are these days, and that bled into my therapy appointment on Wednesday. So that’s where we started. When Dr. Last Name told me to choose a calm, safe place in my mind, lazing in bed with M came to mind, quietly chatting, me petting him (it’s a stim). As soon as the image coalesced, I started crying. Not weeping, just sitting there with tears leaking out of my closed eyes.
Then she directed me to think back to a time I got in trouble from mom. An image of 5 or 6 year old me, standing in the doorway to our living room (the purple carpet era), mom yelling, me crying, dad standing there. The tears immediately ceased.
I’m not sure what I got out of the session, but I didn’t feel as emotionally exhausted when I was out with the Crafters that night. So I will take that small but significant win.
Wednesday night was great. I picked up Red, and we headed to Ikea. Shortly after we were joined by Red’s colleagues (lovely ladies who deserve names but now is not the time for brainstorming/creativity), one of them gave me a birthday card, and the other bought me my dinner. Red gave me a “Snackle box”, a little compartmentalised container with different candy in each compartment. I LOVED it. It was perfect :) New Plant Friend arrived a little later.
We overheated pretty quickly, and ended up leaving Ikea at 7:15. We headed over to Jack Astor’s, where we’d planned to go to celebrate my birthday a little longer. We got fancy drinks and Fat Bread (I don’t remember who started it, but we’ve called their pan bread “Fat Bread” for as long as Jack Astor’s has been in Ontario), and Red and New Plant Friend got nachos. One of the ladies told our server it was my birthday and they made me stand on the chair while they yell-sang a birthday song at me. I loved it. It’s stupid and embarrassing, but part of me thinks that’s what friends do, and after last years birthday (where only the planners showed up, literally everyone else cancelled. Not to mention it was a milestone birthday), it felt really good to have these people show enthusiasm for my birthday.

We left shortly after 9, I went home to M, we got high, tried to watch a terrible movie, and went upstairs to bang instead.

The next morning M woke me up with birthday wishes, pulling me into the Frat Room to show me the big drawing he did for me this year. It was busy and chaotic and was a perfect blend of his style and things I like. I particularly enjoyed the continuity from 2 years ago, where Valentino’s face was all angry looking and Jinx’s face was dopey and sweet. This one Jinx is looking pissed and Vale’s face is bright and attentive. We have it posted up in the reading room where I can look at it, just for a bit.
We decided to get to the Valley sooner rather than later, so we decided to get breakfast on the road, which then turned into breakfast at Cora’s. It was delicious, and so nice to have breakfast with M, I’m so used to getting breakfast with Red.
The drive to Bastet’s was long but made better by the company and conversation. Once we got there she informed me that her entire plan was trashed when she found out the beach she wanted to go to was closed for high bacteria counts.
Instead she took us to an adorable cafe, then out to her parent’s cottage, where we swam for hours, had a lovely picnic lunch, and then we went paddleboarding. I was just saying to M that I wanted to try that, so I was ridiculously excited. I was actually a little surprised that I didn’t fall off more.
After that we packed up, and headed to a little seafood shack in the middle of nowhere, and then took it back to the property Bastet is building on, where we ate, got a tour of the house, and then ate cake that Bastet made for me.
Shortly afterward we decide to head home, we still had a 2 hour drive home, and despite being really tired, we managed to bang, and lo it was good.

My birthday present from M was to help me sort through stuff I’d purged but never got out of the house. I had two boxes down stairs and one in my dressing room, and we got all of that out of the house, and M continued the purge and I started sorting plant crap. We were both having a hard time with the volume of crap in our living space, and Friday we made a concerted effort to get things straightened out as much as possible. It felt and feels good.
Saturday we were supposed to go to a fibre festival, but the torrential downpour that took everyone by surprise ended up getting so many things cancelled. Instead Red and her mom and I went to a local yarn store and then had wood fired pizza for lunch. It was lovely.
Last night M and I got particularly high and ended up in bed for what felt like forever (it was, actually, hours. We went to bed at 9ish and when I crawled into my own bed it was 1:30).
Today was getting ourselves ready for the week (laundry, dishes, continued purging/cleaning.
And then I came here to write, which has taken twice as long because of losing the entry.

I have an early day tomorrow. Good night!