On A Role in Current Events

I’m on a roll with entries today. Business as usual. A part of me wants to write today off as a bust because I’m just hard on myself like that. It wasn’t that unproductive. I attempted to create content and failed, again! I am too camera-shy when it comes to speaking to it. I used to have no selfie control but this is different. I need to find a way to push through it without adding alcohol. Though, that couldn’t hurt. I just don’t want that to become a clutch. I also don’t want any alcohol in the apartment.

I went online to look for advice on the matter. I will try again tomorrow, I have all day after all.
I took a screenshot of me looking frustrated in front of the camera and sent it to Michelle on IG. Not me looking frustrated trying to talk on camera. Just as I hit send she went live. I watched her do it without any trouble. That’s the level I want to be at. I shared my empty page with her while I was at it. I’m not ready to do that on here. Maybe one day to anyone who asks for it. I’d love to go live with her one day.

I’m also fasting today. I want to fast overnight as well. I’m approaching 24hrs which is around the time I start to feel highly energized. I don’t think my body has switched over to ketones yet because my appetite is not suppressed. My diet is high in carbs. Vegan things.

I did two coffee enemas as well. Overkill? I also meal-prepped some pasta salad and potato salad. I wasted a lot of my day trying to get things out of the way so that I can assume my role as a content creator. I will have all day tomorrow. I only had one shift this week. I got time. I get distracted by the thought of my roommate coming home from work. I don’t want to film anything while she is home.

I have been avoiding my video games, I am also trying to avoid doom scrolling on my feeds. Speaking of which, I decided to download Snapchat for some reason. It’s been years! I don’t talk to anyone that I have added.

Blah, anyway. I have a pair of trousers soaking in warm water ready to be stretched. I gained 10 lbs, officially. I’m a plus-size person now and my clothes don’t fit. I say that in jest. I bought these trousers at a thrift store that has no fitting room and a garbage return policy. They are tight but I can stretch them out. I would throw them out but my ass looks too good in them. Our bottoms flirt with people when we are not looking and I need all the help I can get.

I am actually quite proud of my weight gain. I’ve always been very thin. My secret is poverty. I weighed 160 lbs when I graduated high school, I’m 6’ tall. I dropped to 135 lbs in my twenties. Coffee and cigarettes were two of my meals. I wanted to be 160 lbs again when I turned 30 and I did that the wrong way. I felt like shit because I ate like shit. I dropped to 150 when I went vegan. Then it slowly climbed to 170 lbs since I quit coffee. I don’t have a waist, it’s all muscle. Well, actually I think it all went to my ass. If not my head.