IDD in Current Events

Intention Deficit Disorder has me by the ballocks today. If I don’t try to create content today, for the socials, then it will have to wait until Monday because my roommate will be home all weekend. This is where I battle the underlying fear that causes me to procrastinate. I have nothing to lose, I’m just afraid to make myself vulnerable. I feel flustered at the thought of putting myself out there. I’m only human.

I have nothing to lose, honestly. Every fibre of my being is trying to take me out of the house to run all of my errands. All of it can wait until tomorrow when I can experience the joy of doing everything while my roommate sleeps half of the day away and contributes nothing to this place… Look at me trying to put all of my frustration into that basket. On Fridays, she comes home late. I have a lot of time today to do it.

On that note, content creating, I am recognizing within myself that I want a high reward for the least amount of work. I am going to have to grind to make this work for me. Treat it like a job. I think there is an opportunity here to establish some structure. Lord knows I need structure. (Moon, Mars, Pluto & SN in my 6H)

I am fasting today. I already did my coffee enema and detox bath. What a good time. I also applied at a few more places online. I went over my finances, which is depressing but I got it out of the way. This is the first thing I lose control of when I’m struggling to keep myself together.

Those few days when I went to the park to lay in the sun to tan were very relaxing and I want to do it again. I’m still peeling way too much and it is frustrating because I just want to wash my sheets already. I also seem to be coming down with a headache which is rare and annoying. So I’m going to be hungry, tired and in pain today. It is what it is.

I am going to surrender to my procrastination habit and get all of that out of my way. It’s not like it is non-productive. I’ll have stocked pantries and a clean apartment. I also want to make some pesto pasta salad, hummus, peri peri hot sauce and tomato chutney. On my camping trip, I ate a lot of my vegan burgers with Carly’s tzatziki dip. It is so good and addicting. Too bad I’m fasting today because I want to eat 9 of them right now. Fuck it, all of that can wait until tomorrow. I’m going to go for a walk and muster up some courage. It’s not like I’ve never seen myself in front of a camera before. I used to have no selfie control.

Dear Me: Get over yourself you big bloated bitch.