5th Time is a Charm? in Current Events

The definition of crazy is what again? Doing the same thing and expecting different results. I once again applied at my company’s location by my place for the job I am already doing, they have a full-time position available. They also have a part-time position available. I applied for both of them. 5th time’s a charm?

I didn’t even get a call the last time I applied for it which is suspicious because I was told that I aced the interview the time before that. The first time I applied for it I was told by the store manager and our HR that the candidacy is solely based on the interviews. I had since created some dramas and upsets when I was robbed of an equal opportunity at that time. I shot myself in the foot, I believe, the last time I interviewed for this position by my place. My supervisor sat me down to do a performance review and it ended with me accusing her and the company of gatekeeping me from opportunities and doing a quiet firing. I brought up a lot of issues that she did nothing with. I had since brought it up to my store manager who said he forwarded it to the district HR. Nothing has come of that either. I am ready to make a big stink about it but I will wait to see what happens with me applying for this new location.

I feel groggy this morning. It was nice to sleep in my own bed again. The first thing I did this morning, after my coffee, was write some more in my novel. It’s based on a true story, so to speak. I was telling my friends about it over a campfire on the weekend, during our camping trip. Leanne added to it.

Right when my anxiety disorder manifested in my early twenties, I experienced something that I can only call a hallucination. A vivid dream, if anything. This is not an event that can be real. Something tragic happened outside of our city that made international news. A young man on a bus ride to the city was brutally murdered by a man with schizophrenia. He was beheaded. There were several people in my life, at the time, who had a connection to that man.

Yvonne used to babysit him, the victim of that attack. Colleen’s brother, it was his bus route but he was on leave or vacation, one of the two. I can’t remember. He should have been the driver that night. The man who did drive the bus that night has since committed suicide. There were other people who knew him from my work and it was everybody was talking about at my work that must have triggered my dream. Leanne told me, over the weekend, that she drove by that bus that night. The bus had just pulled over and everybody was running out of it screaming. That’s all she witnessed. She didn’t understand what she was looking at until the next day when it was all over the news.

So one night, around that time, I was laying in bed trying to sleep when I heard a voice in my room. He announced himself as an angel, I don’t remember his name. He had a message to deliver to me. He instructed me to not turn around. I was able to see his reflection off of something in my room, I don’t recall what. A pole of some sort? It wasn’t a clear image but I was able to see that he had three sets of wings.

The sons were born and the world will be torn and that is when I am to deliver the third testament. He opened with. He started to explain something to me and while he was doing that I was experiencing a vision. It felt like a memory that wasn’t my own. It was me on that bus getting attacked. The messenger explained to me that the victim had the third testament and that they failed to protect him. The demons got to him. I was told that when I see a shadow at the corner of my eye I am not to despair for I will have an army of guardian angels to protect me. He told me that the gates to heaven and hell are going to be closed forever. Mankind will be given a choice to save themselves physically and inherit this world we are destroying or die and save ourselves spiritually and walk with God in heaven.

There were a series of dreams that followed up with that throughout the years. I am going to string them together and make a novel. I don’t necessarily want to but it is one of those things that eats away me. If I don’t let it out it will be there gnawing at me forever. I decided that the attack on the bus is going to be my prologue. That’s what I wrote this morning.

My favourite dream, which added to it, was of my childhood self coming to me. He started with the same line about the sons being born and the world being torn between them. He then told me that the tree of wisdom which has the knowledge of good and evil is now the holy pages and that the serpent’s tongue is its gospels. The devil is a trickster and he had seduced mankind into eating that forbidden fruit and we have committed atrocities against god and our fellow man in the lord’s name, the devil’s name. The knowledge of good and evil was forbidden, not the literal fruit. God promised once that he would never punish us again but he does not need to punish us for this as we are destroying ourselves. He’s lost faith in us and in his last leap of leap of faith, he is going to give us that choice to save ourselves spiritually. We lost our way. We disgust him. We are vile and profane. Whenever we pray to him it’s like having offal in his mouth he is that disgusted.

I understand now that the concept of good and evil is an abomination. Nothing exists with two ends that can never meet. Everything is whole and holy. We fracture our reality with this concept of good and evil. It keeps us thinking in the absolute smallest ways possible. Makes us vulnerable to the seven deadly sins. Sins are just a sink in consciousness. Heaven is when you heave up your consciousness. This has to do with raising the oil in the base of our spines. Blah blah blah the seven seals are the seven electrical resistors in our spines, chakras. Blah blah. We are the furthest we have ever been from the truth which will be restored in this turning of the age. The four horsemen of the apocalypse (unveiling) are the four cardinals of the zodiac. Aires, Cancer, Libra and Capricorn. Yatta yatta.

Anyway, I am really hoping that I get this position I applied for. It is the quickest fix possible. I have 99 problems and this full-time job will fix all of them. Tomorrow I have to notify my supervisor. She will act excited for me. She will tell me that she will talk to the supervisor over at the other location. I didn’t even get a call the last time. The full-time position says that it is a temp one, we shall see what happens. Generally, once you’re in you’re in. They always make you permanent. I have an underlying fear that they would make an exception for me lol. My supervisor has left a position open for other team members who had left to do temp positions. I will see if she is willing to offer that to me.

From what I gathered, during our interview for this other location, is that she has some internal melodramas on her team which are causing people to quit. We only had one person quit on my team during the 2.5 years that I have been there. I am the one who made him quit. He was an absolute toxic narcissist that was abusive to everybody and one day I had enough of everybody telling me that it was okay. Long story short, he couldn’t handle the consequences of his actions and quit. This team I applied for must have somebody like that. The store manager is also problematic at that location but I see that his position is up for grabs as well. I’m far from interested in that one. I shan’t get my hopes up.

Anyway, on with my day, I suppose. I am peeling like crazy from my sunburn. I’m going to take a detox bath and wash away my sins from the weekend. I want to do a coffee enema but I ran out of the coffee for it and won’t have any until tomorrow. I’ll do that on Wednesday. I don’t like having alcohol in the apartment I have a box of wine leftover from the weekend that I will bring to my sisters tomorrow. School is out for the summer, she invited me over for a movie night and I don’t have to wait until a weekend.

Right! I have been manifesting again. Nothing special. On our camping trip Angelina was spooked right out. I would say something like deer are my spirit animals. They always pop up and try to walk over to me. Then a deer literally did just that. I made a comment about running into a teacher while we were in town and the Carly did just that. When I got home I was thinking about reaching out to my sister because I miss my niece and nephew and she messages me. I went to bed thinking that I should check my company’s site to see if they have a merchandising position randomly and there are two. One full-time and one part-time. I applied for both. Now I need to manifest actually getting it.

Last updated July 11, 2023