Avoid surprises at the annual review! in Adaptation

Tonight's idea: maybe the rTMS has put me in a manic phase? And when I say "manic", I mean: extremes and loops of obsessive thinking and anxiety and PTSD symptoms and

SUICIDE!
SUICIDE!
SUICIDE!

is flashing like a blinding searchlight inside my skull - plus, other fuckery that feels like PMS.

OHAI, chronic pain... settling in so nicely!
Like, whoa.

Also - I've gone crazy and I'm not coming back.
Baseline was five YEARS ago.
Welcome to the new (ab)normal.

I had a good time at my sister's weedapalooza, I mean, her 50th birthday party.

I wasn't going to go because HOT MESS POTENTIAL: STRONG.

I'm a walking-talking FRAYED NERVE, here.
EXTREME CAUTION.

Plus, My Family: I'M THE "NORMAL" ONE.

ANYWHORE.

Smoking a BALE of quality weed (my girlfriend is a grower) and mixing benzos'n'booze (ROCK STAR!) definitely helped. I saw my almost-dead brother (and we had a nice moment, actually - sitting by the campfire together) and my ex-best-friend - whom I haven't seen in 15+ YEARS.

What.

We had a great time!

It was an orgy of food and tomfoolery. Even sister was relatively well-behaved and we got along... not-bad.

Plus: snuggling and laughing and dancing and going for Timmys with mah gayz and then, more snuggling! I loves them bunches an' bunches

RE: Robin Williams

I totally get it.
It's terribly sad.
Help ("help"?) isn't always available, nor effective - no matter who you are.
This is just how it goes sometimes.
Thanks for making me laugh and cry, man.
Peace.

My life feels so tiny right now. I feel very pulled-inward (what's the word for that?). Guilt and obligation keep me alive.

Doesn't that sound fun?

I've been in Montreal almost a year.
A YEAR.

I don't feel any better. Nothing has helped. I'm actually in worse shape than I was when I left Hicksville.
Physically, too.

GOOD NEWS!
No mass-in-my-belly!

BAD NEWS!
Death-by-cancer-passive-suicide-plan is foiled.

Ho hum.

Went to Tam Tams on Sunday.

That was fun.

See?

I'M FUN!