Fourth of July. in Since OD is shutting down....

So I returned the underwear that were too small and got cat food and dish soap. I got the transcript from the modification in the mail and talked to my Mom on the phone. It says that he can request a copy of it and would have to pay a fee and I know that he wouldn’t do that. I don’t know if they’ll make him aware that I’m unemployed or not. I’m not really too worried about it because if it happens, it happens.

He has 10 days to basically argue to decision of the amount and he’s currently on day 5 because it started on the day of the modification. I don’t know how soon he’ll get the letter or if he’ll care enough to appeal it. He won’t pay regardless so it doesn’t really matter.

His girlfriend text last night saying there was fraud on her account and she may have to go home today so I’m guessing she’s the one paying for pretty much everything. I’m wondering how soon she’s going to get tired of all of this. I’m sitting here thinking about how I can’t even get a guy to buy me dinner and he’s gotten some chick to not only pay for him, but for his child as well. I am just so shocked how he keeps managing to find free rides like this. I’m seriously disgusted that he’s just expecting her to pay for motel rooms, food and whatever else. Their wristbands for the carnival they attended last night were $30 each.

There was a TIk Tok just this morning about how when you don’t provide for your children consistently it’s abuse. When you aren’t providing the other parent with the resources they need to take care of your kid, it’s called abuse. I agree completely. I’ve decided though that I’m not going to say another word about any of it and just let it be what it is. He knows that his obligations are and if he decides to continue with being the way he is, he can also sit with the consequences. He’s also going to keep having his girlfriend lie so there’s not any reason for me to keep bugging her either.

I just think it’s bullshit when I’ve said a million times that I wasn’t going to let him take her again without a court order and I’ve allowed him to for the past 2 months and all I want in return is respect and for him to start consistently paying his fucking child support but he won’t because he’s going to always find a way to abuse me. I personally wonder if he’s pissed because I’ve made it clear that I want all communication to go through his girlfriend so therefore he can’t abuse me emotionally so he is going to abuse me financially is the issue and that’s why he refuses to fucking pay it.

As hard as it is to not say anything, I think that would be for the best. He’s just going to not pay it and there’s nothing I an do over all. I don’t feel it’s fair to put his girlfriend in the middle because really there’s not much she can do either. I’m going to sit back and just hope that he has his day in the sun and leave it at that. Constantly bugging is just giving him attention and him a sense of power because it’s letting him know that he’s got something over on me. I have to just accept that it’s not going to get paid.

I just want to know how single Mom’s do it. How do you not just lose your shit? This is why women are scorned and stay that way. There’s a big part of me that wishes I would have just left well enough alone 2 fucking months ago because I honestly feel more pissed off now than what I was. I want to understand how these men just walk around with zero regard for what they leave the Mom’s with. How do you just not fucking care? The Mom’s don’t deserve to have a night off or get to spend their money on themselves ever and that’s just totally normal or okay?!?!

I wish there was something I could believe in when it comes to her Dad. He’s just lied so much and has been so abusive that there’s nothing to hold on to. I’m angry that even him taking her is probably just to put on a show for the girlfriend and she’s probably paying for everything.

So I really haven’t heard from the girlfriend all day and then finally text. I waited 15 minutes for a response. I was thinking some crazy fucking shit. She finally responded. She’s been kinda short in her messages and I wonder if maybe she’s just busy with the kids or they’ve gotten the letter about CS going up.

I wonder if he doesn’t make a payment either because of control, because I’ve shut down the abuse or because he’s just selfish. I’d honestly just like to know the reason. I personally believe that it’s because I refuse to have any type of conversation with him whatsoever. He messaged on Saturday and I wrote back stating that all communication needs to be through his girlfriend. I also told her the other day that he needs to stop badmouthing me to our child as it makes her uncomfortable. I think he’s just finally figuring out that the abuse needs to fucking stop and he can’t handle it. Why would you fight so hard to see your child and waste your time with her just to speak badly about me? Like what in the fuck is wrong with you?

He lacks emotional intelligence. He also doesn’t care that it’s poisoning her against me and creating problems in my household. The last time she was around him all she told me was that he called me a hot dog so I think the girlfriend has definitely told him to stop. I think it’s starting to sink in that she’s not going to allow him to bad talk me. I don’t mind him spending time with his child, that’s what I’ve wanted all along but I need him to just worry about being a Dad. It’s not our daughter’s business, problem, or concern how we feel about each other. I want her to have the freedom to make up her own mind about everyone in her life.