Paper Thin in My Life!!!!

I've seen a lot of death in my life. I've looked people in the eyes as they took their last breath while their pulse beat for the last time. Experiencing death this way does change you. I think that it has desensitize me. I know that I don't show feelings the way someone should. A lot of times people think I'm mad or unhappy, I'm actually I very happy person. As for showing excitement; to be honest I can't remember how to be excited. Do you remember being a little kid and on Christmas break from school you couldn't wait until you woke up on Christmas morning?...... I wish I could experience that feeling again.

I've had a lot of last moments with people. I was a black cloud for death when I was on shift at the Fd, It was so bad that they named me the "Cardiac King" and when we would get paged out I would always hear my Captain say " We have Mason here, So you know its going to be bad" lol. I was always the guy that when we pulled up my engineer would tell me to do "Your thing" as they parked the engine. "My thing" was jumping out by myself with our medic bag and going into somebody's house usually in the dark and finding a body. A lot of times I had to get personal with them and crawl into their bed to drag them out.

Its crazy how easy it is to die. The difference between life and death is paper thin. You can leave your house 10 mins too late or too early and get plowed at an intersection. Now don't go through life always worried like its a "Final Destination" movie, it would drive you insane lol. As for myself being a firefighter; I'm very experienced and knowledgeable when it comes to going into a building with fire rolling out of it. Before I get off the engine I always expect this fire to be the one that will kill me. There are two reason for this: 1. Too keep me on my toes, 2. If you except that something is going to happen due to your destiny taking over then why not remove your barriers and be the baddest firefighter that you can be. This is why I'm selective with my crew that goes in with me, they have to view it the same way and be ok when that moment comes when you know its over.

In the end, nobody knows when they wake up in the morning that they are living their last hours of life. So don't take it for granted!!!!