Friendly Fire in Thirty-Eight

Hey friends how are we all doing this 20th day of June? Not a whole lot going on around here really, which has been so fucking nice actually. But yeah I’m here, I wanna talk about a few things, so lets get into it!

Things with the car have been going fine. So far we haven’t had any major problems, other than me trying to use the autostart one day and it completely killed the whole car for like a few hours lol. Ugh. So don’t use that, ok? lol

But yeah, other than that, we are just waiting for the Title to be sent from AZ, it should be here sometime in the next day or two that way we can get it sorted and we’ll be good to go. That way we can start making our appointments in LC and EP again. Grr.

I have a phone appointment next week with the Rheum because I missed my last one in May. Stupid phone. Then I can see what the hell is going on with my infusion. I haven’t been feeling the greatest for the last week or so. Just tired, slogged down, brain foggy and its just pretty miserable. I need that last med to get me to where I need to be. But what the heck is going on with the insurance.

Last Saturday we went to my cousin’s baby shower and then went and saw Across The Spider-Verse that evening. That was a lot of fun. We hadn’t gone to see a movie in a bit. The movie was great. It was insane how many different animation styles they used. Soooo crazy.

The following week was uneventful. We played a lot of Diablo IV which was great. We beat the campaign so now we’re just kind of doing random shit here and there to get us up to 100. I also started a sorceress which I love playing. They’re so much fun.

Last Wednesday or Thursday I had text my friend JD (from the last entry) to see how he was doing. I hadn’t heard from him in a bit but he had said he had gotten some news and was going to be leaving at some point in the near future. Well I text him that day and he’s like oh hey I was going to shoot you a message later, but I’m leaving tomorrow for San Antonio and then flying back up north (to Maine) a little bit after that. So, yeah I’ll see you around.

Now, I haven’t talked about where I met JD, because I had really just met him. But if any of you have been with me for a significant amount of time, you’ll know that I met my hubby on an Adult site. Anyway, so I had been on the site again for like about a year now because most of the days that Randy was painting, I spent either in the living room or bedroom alone. So I had been chatting with people here and there, mostly in the chat rooms that I used to frequent, chatting with old friends. No one from the area, because there was literally no one in the area on the site.

A few people started popping up and this guy messaged me one day, his profile said he was a 42 yr old in Vermont, but he said he was living in the next town over, was also into gaming and that we could probably hang out sometime. So we started chatting and that’s when we were dealing with all the car stuff, so I didn’t have a vehicle. But we spent probably about two and a half weeks just talking back and forth. Like real conversations about real shit. Not just sexual talk.

That’s pretty hard to find on one of those type of sites, so It was really nice. That’s what attracted me to Randy in the first place. The fact that he wanted to talk to me, be a friend, hang out and then have the benefits that went along with that. Obviously things with Randy took a different direction altogether, but I’m glad that that happened.

Anyway, with JD, the day came where he took me to town to get some groceries and stuff, but his shower was broken, so we just hung out. We hung out a few times, which was really nice and we had a lot of fun.

We had planned to actually do a lot of different things like play some video games, go hiking, play disc golf, etc. He wanted to actually be my friend. He was living with his dad though so he didn’t really have a lot of other availability. But his dad was gone for like 2 weeks so that’s why we were able to have a little bit of fun. But all the crap with his truck happened too so we didn’t get a ton of time before he had to skedaddle which sucked, but I’m still glad I met him. I told him that if he’s ever back down here visiting (his dad and step mom live here) to let me know.

Now, I hadn’t said anything to Randy about being back on the site, because I didnt’ see the point if I just wasn’t finding anyone. I was just there to talk to someone, you know, instead of myself. But one morning I was using the computer and I had a private window up, but when I finished, I forgot to close that window. So he saw that I had a profile on there again. Which his words were “You left your profile up the other day, by the way, did you know that?” and I just said “no i didn’t....but well now you know” lol. And he was just like yeah, it’s whatever, I know there’s not many options here, because it’s Silver. And I told him yeah, it’s Silver, and if I were to find someone it’d be under these conditions.

We’re at a point again where one of us can’t be actively sexual, but the other wants to be. There’s a lot that goes into why he can’t be but it mostly comes down to the medication he takes for his depression. And that’s understandable. I don’t want to create any pressure with him to try and do something that we both know he can’t. I understand what it’s like not being able to do things with your partner because I have absolutely been there. Back when he was able to be sexually active. For the most part things went well there, and there were a few outside factors that played a lot into the drama that came with that....but none of those factors are in play right now.

If I do meet someone from the area, it’ll have to be someone I definitely do not know, like someone that recently moved here, like JD. If I do happen to know who they are it’ll depend on how I know them lol. But yeah, there’s still no one in the area. I had met another person, CT, I think we went to high school together, but I don’t really remember him, he is a couple years older than me. I met up with him the other morning and it was good. We also spent more time just talking about random shit, which is great. Having grown up in the same area around the same time helps.

I think JD spent a lot of time here when he was younger and stuff too, but we never crossed paths before, because I’m pretty sure that’s the time frame that I was in AZ. I am also pretty sure our dads worked at the mine together, same with CT. I know who his family is but I don’t at the same time lol. I think I grew up with his SIL as my neighbor. LOL

There is an older man, DW, that I have seen a handful of times. I’ve been to his place a couple of times, and he’s really nice and we have conversations and then we have some other personal time that isn’t traditional sex in a sense, because like I said, he’s older, but it’s still fun and satisfying.

The great thing too though, is that DW is a photographer. So this next week, whenever he has a day off, he is going to take some pictures for me. I bought a bunch of lingerie and stuff off of Shein back in May and so I’m going to have him take some pictures so I can make something with them for Randy for his birthday in July.

That’s another part of it, that I’m trying to ramp up my “sexiness” if you will. That will help him in a lot of ways too. He said so himself. So we’ll see what we come up with for the photos. I’m super excited about it all. Plus is always feels good to feel good about yourself and the extra attention helps a lot with that for me.

It’s no fault of anyone’s, but I haven’t felt sexy in a really long time. I just haven’t Like I said, it’s not like Randy doesn’t make me feel that way, because he compliments me all the time, touches me, grabs me, squeezes me, kisses me, etc and I love that. He’s absolutely way more affectionate than I am. And I have definitely learned how to be and I know he finds me sexy and desirable, otherwise he wouldn’t be with me.

I really don’t expect anyone to understand what it’s like when you are allowed to have that from an outside influence. The dynamic of our relationship has been based on that for a lot of it. My husband knows fully well who his wife is, if you know what I mean. I’m not looking for love here, I already have that. I just want a good time and some friends to hang out with.

Anywho, so yeah, I think that’s about it for now. Not entirely sure what else will happen this week, but it should be good. Take care everyone.