Treated like shit. in Since OD is shutting down....

I’ve been thinking a lot about how I’ve been treated my whole life and I’d like to talk about my parents and the way they’ve treated me before I move on to my relationships with other people. My parents were super poor when we were growing up. We went without food more often than not, wore clothes that were too small because we had outgrown them, and we rarely got to do anything especially if it cost money. My Dad never worked and my Mom worked like a dog but my Dad made sure that every penny was spent at all times, kinda like he does even now.

My parents have used me financially my entire life. I remember when I moved out 17 years ago and I was still stuck giving them money every day because if I didn’t, they would threaten to take my car away, turn off my electricity and my cable…everything was in their name for one reason or another. I finally realized that I needed to switch all my stuff over because I would save hella money by doing so. I had to constantly give them money or I would be threatened profusely until I gave in. They would come over with their hand out every single day because even though I paid for all my own stuff, it somehow was my problem that they couldn’t manage their own money so they expected me to take care of them.

They decided that they hated my dog and I couldn’t have her where I lived so I told them to take her to the pound. They did that but still expected me to buy their dog food. I would help them with groceries and then tell me a couple of days later they were out of food where I was already short keeping food in my own house and I had to help even more. I worked at a restaurant and if I forgot to bring food home, I just didn’t eat. I remember getting food stamps where they would ask for my card and I would tell them to only spend a certain amount and they would spend every last dollar so I never had food. I would wear jeans that the crotch was worn out of them and old shoes that made my feet hurt because I couldn’t afford to replace them because they would constantly mooch off me.

So one night at work some guy had back into my Mom’s car. I was driving it because it was up for repo and he left a scratch on the bumper and gave me $100 and begged me to not go after his insurance company. I stupidly tell my parents what happened and gave them the money where they still went after his insurance because they were greedy. They got another $500 where they kept every last penny from that. The guy was super pissed and never spoke a word to me again and that is extremely uncomfortable in the work place. Well just like 3 days after this happened, my Mom calls me begging for money where I tell her I just can’t help anymore so she calls me every name in the book and hung up on me and then I didn’t hear from them for months.

I finally broke free from having to give them money and mentally didn’t have to deal with being drained listening to their money problems. I was able to start spending my money on myself. I started to realize that I was being used. I grew up dealing with this shit and it was all I had ever known. I was just so happy to have broke free. Well over the years, they would do this thing where they would start coming around and then slowly start asking for help and then move into asking for hundreds of dollars where they don’t pay it back and then I’d finally put my foot down and tell them no more and then not hear from them for long periods of time.

Then I have my daughter. My Mom came to a couple prenatal appointments and then she spent the night once when my daughter was an infant. She slept all day and didn’t help so I got my kid ready and we just hung out in the car until it was time for me to dump her off at daycare and me to go work. My Mom had literally called the cops and had them check on me. I just had to leave my house before I blew the fuck up on her. She showed up at like midnight, kept both my daughter and myself up and then slept all fucking day. Fast forward about a year. She called one night when she was babysitting for my brother and I picked up my daughter from daycare and went over to see her where she asks if I got a nice income tax check. I remember just sitting there thinking how she waiting 9 fucking months to ask that question. I don’t think she cared about seeing me or my child, but to see if I had money left over from my taxes.

I can’t even remember how many times they’ve drained my bank account. How many times I’ve gotten disconnect notices from my electric and cable company because I had given them money where I never got paid back. Just how many times I had helped them with groceries and then I would sit around and starve. I have helped them to the point where I had nothing. There’s been plenty of times where I needed help and they didn’t even think to help me. It wasn’t even a thought to cross their minds.

So that’s why yesterday I took them food and beer where my Dad acted pretty cold towards me, I wanted to tell him right where to go. I normally don’t even make effort on Father’s Day because I don’t like him but again, I was trying to be nice. I’m sorry I didn’t bring like a trunk load of groceries and a handful of cash but I need to look out for my daughter and myself. He should feel lucky that I brought anything. I don’t even know how many times just in the past 2 years I’ve brought food to have dinner with them where he puts the food away and you are just to forget about it and they wait for us to leave so they can eat it!

My mind is blown when I think about all of this and how my older brother and myself are still just so conditioned to this bullshit where you just know not to say anything. I remember a couple of years ago bringing dinner where my Dad put it all away and I remember saying I don’t have long until my daughter gets upset because she’s hungry and they just ignored me. I didn’t realize that I was just bringing food for them and we were to go home and eat. I thought I was just trying to be nice and have a meal with them and that’s the thanks I get.

Narcs definitely have an overblown sense of entitlement. It’s downright bulletproof. My Dad is just so used to being a fucking bully and everyone just bowing down that it’s never going to change. I refuse to put up with it and that’s why I don’t help much anymore. I might help with like a dinner or $20 but I’m not going to help to the point where my daughter and I are going without.

I am so glad I’m wired differently. I could never imagine people bringing food to my house where I put it away and wait for them to forget about it and leave. I remember just a couple of years ago buying a couple of pies and a fruit bowl and taking it to their house for Thanksgiving where he did the same thing. He didn’t offer any of it to us and sat there eating a whole pie to himself. This shit is absolutely mind boggling.

My Mom never says anything because she’s just so used to it and she knows he’ll flip out if she does. He’s just adapted to being a selfish fucking creep that he’s oblivious to his own behavior. I have never known him to not be this way.