Stress doesn't stop. in Since OD is shutting down....

Ok so because I put in so many hours last week, by Tuesday night I felt really defeated, grumpy, tired and had a horrible night so I took Wednesday night off. It was so nice to get a break during the week and just hang out at home. I am honestly so burnt out and just need more time for myself. I think once I go down to 4 nights a week (starting Monday) and having more time outside of work is going to be a big help. I applied at the hospital and they actually wanted to hire me but because I would only be able to do evenings and I'm not exactly a nursing student, they had second thoughts which is fine. I was supposed to hear back from the lady to see if just evenings would be ok and she never called which is whatever, I'm not going to beg for a job. I'm just glad that I won't be at work as much. I understand that emotionally, physically, and mentally it's going to be better for me to not HAVE to be there all the fucking time!

Today I made the car payment, got groceries and picked up my medications from the doctor's office. I had a couple of people from work try to talk me into coming in tonight but I had to say no. I should have because now I'm short on hours but I need my days off.

I talked to my school yesterday and dropped a class and decided I need to drop another one. I think 3 is plenty because last semester I was struggling with 3 (because I worked so much) and this time around, I just want to try and make it to where I can balance work, school, and sleep. I don't want to run around miserably tired again. It sucks because I would love that extra money but I just don't want to over extend myself and then be sorry for it later.

Sometimes I have moments where I feel like I'm never going to get to do what I want to do. I can't be a social worker because there's not a program for that here and I can't work with animals because of my school schedule. I just want to have the kind of job where I'm helping either people or animals and I feel like it's just never going to happen. It makes me really depressed but I have to remember I do like where I'm at right now. I know that my job really gets to me but I could be babysitting still or unemployed and I don't want that either. I'm not where I want to be but I thank God I'm not where I used to be.

I'm pretty sure my brother is pissed at me for not coming over today but I'm pissed that he always wants to control my days off and he won't let his girlfriend go with me to my concert Tuesday night so I know I'll end up going by myself. I'm just hoping I'll either see someone there I know or find someone to go with. I get so sick of doing everything by myself but I want to be able to say I got to do at least one fun thing before school starts up again.

I was thinking about my ex a little bit today. I generally don't think about him because I'm used to him not being a part of my life but I do still think about how different my life could be if he would have wanted to be with me as much as I wanted to be with him. It just sucks to feel like I'm never going to get my love story. Sometimes I wonder if I'll ever really want to try for it with anyone again. I am pretty used to being by myself but sometimes it would be nice to think I could find someone eventually. It just seems like most men run on their own time and for their own needs and wants. I also seem to attract men that can't handle treating me like an actual human being.

Anyways, I'm getting ready for bed. I already took my Tylenol PM and I'm just waiting for it to kick in. I'm excited to go lay in my bed, watch some tv and just relax and be comfortable.