Happily Never After in Current Events

I’m not feeling as shook as I was in my previous entry. Nothing changed… which sums up my life story as of late. I haven’t been able to create the big changes. Big things have small beginnings and I just don’t see things getting better, anywhere. If I look back I can see improvement but just within myself. My metacognition has room for improvement, of course. I am starting to through the lies I am telling myself.

Tomorrow will mark the third week since my interview for that non-profit. I am writing it off at the end of the week. I’m not hanging on to any hope.

It’s been three weeks since my talk with my roommate. To nobody’s surprise, she is back to being a useless cow. Do I need to explain? I’ve only been complaining about it all year. When I woke up yesterday morning all I could smell was my bodywash. She helped herself to it, I suspect. While I was in the shower yesterday I checked on how full her products are and they are empty. She has been helping herself to all of mine, again. She’s not cooking, cleaning, checking the mail, taking out the trash or recycling, etc. It’s all on me again. She’s only eating snack food again and on Sunday she slept in until 2 pm. She’s a fucking child. I wish I could afford this place on my own so I could just toss her ass out of this place and then from my life.

Sometimes I start to feel bad that this living arrangement has put a strain on our friendship but then I remember how shitty she is as a human being all around and then I get over it pretty quick. I tried to be there for her but she is a lost cause. She doesn’t deserve the best of me, let alone any of me. She is waiting to rent her cousins house and she said that she will invite me but I am not interested. I’m not taking care of a house. She is not ready to take care of a house on her own, period. Her cousin will regret that decision.

I am tired of sounding like a broken record here. Better here than in my head. That’s the whole purpose of this blog, for me.

So I keep seeing young guys with athletic bodies at work and it’s just making me feel a little insecure. I thought I had more self-esteem than that. It’s more like I am getting inspired, not so much self-hate. I could try harder with my physique. It’s the diet that I need to restructure the most. I need to double my calories. I don’t know how to do that without eating garbage. I already eat a higher volume of food than most because of my high metabolism. Also because I am not one of those little 5‘10” creatures who can nourishment from a lettuce leaf. I can eat what they eat in one week in two meals.

I think I will go wallow for a little bit more and then go get my life right. I can’t wait for the day I can be like:

Dear Diary
Today I started my new job as a mentor for Aboriginal youth. It pays over $5 dollar more an hour than what I was making before. The hours are flexible and so they are able to work around my schooling schedule. My roommate also moved out which is a huge relief. I also started seeing someone and they’ve been really pushing me to meet my goals. We also started seeing a calisthenics trainer together and it is going very well. I finally have someone to do stuff with. I finally started all of my projects and they are really taking off. Everything is perfect, I can live happily ever after if I die tomorrow.

I decided to tune into what is going on in the world. I have taken a break from politics but I don’t want to be wilfully ignorant so I tune in once and a while. Mostly want to see what the news and politicians are not talking about. I can see that mass protests are getting stronger than ever. We are going to need to become radicalized. That will probably happen soon. The last time Pluto entered Capricorn was in 2008 and the economy took a huge hit and we entered a recession. I see that finally happening again. Everyone I know who invests in currency is impatiently waiting for it to happen. It will make instant millionaires when it all comes crashing down. Whatever.