Nervy. in Since OD is shutting down....

But yeah, so yesterday I was fully prepared to become very vocal if my Dad thought my Mom and kid were going to come with to my appointment. They got here and she came in and he stayed in the car. Which was good. I went out outside and we went to my appointment. I was pretty relieved that I didn’t have to get really nasty before going there because I was super nervous and I had definitely every right to be. It was super painful and I am still so happy to be done with it.

I just hate being in these situations where I have to be really worried and anxious about him being around my kid and the events leading up to appointments where I can’t even focus on being nervous on the appointment. It really pisses me off to be left in the situation I’m left in because her Dad is a piece of shit. I will never forgive him for leaving me to have the stress that I have simply because he refuses to ever be an actual co-parent. It’s just not fair. I’m so sorry for every single Mom that has these same issues.

My next appointment is a follow up and it’s on her last day at her program so I won’t have to worry about a sitter and then I’ll be looking to get her into the other program for the rest of the Summer. I’m glad that I’ll be able to call on Monday and hopefully get an appointment with a counselor as well because I was really upset thinking I wasn’t gonna get to talk to someone because there’s never anyone to watch my kid so I can go.

I think I have a doctor appointment in the afternoon on the 21st as well. I’ll have to check. I may move that to a day sooner though. I hate having 2 appointments in the same day.

It’s just obnoxious that my Mom just lets this guy run everything. There’s no way in hell that I would ever let this amount of shit slide. There’s nothing healthy about their relationship, it’s not love. It’s more a sick dictatorship based on insecurity and selfishness. I see my Mom as a really weak minded person that’s never been able to stand up to anyone her whole life because she’s just a people pleaser.

I’m angry that she’s more worried about upsetting him than protecting my child. She just can’t bring herself to stand up to him, even if it means looking out for my child. She failed at protecting her own children and she hasn’t made much effort to protect mine. I get tired of him being more important than my child’s feelings and well being. It’s like 3 years ago when I had covid and she had her around him the whole time I was at the hospital because it was easier than keeping my daughter safe. She put my daughter’s safety and well being up on a shelf because she didn’t want to worry about having consequences for watching her at my house where she was safe. I will never forgive her for that.

I know she said my Dad was good to her the whole time but I don’t care. She knew that she was supposed to watch her at my house. I’m angry that my wishes were ignored. This guy has always trumped me my whole life. Just over and over and over again. I needed my Mom to watch her so that I didn’t die. The dr even told me that I wouldn’t have made it 4 more days. I waited as long as I could hoping I would just get better without being admitted because I was that scared about my daughter being around him and my Mother STILL put my daughter around an unsafe adult.