Hearing!! in Since OD is shutting down....

So I got the letter just a few minutes ago and the hearing is on the 29th and I have to call a couple of days in advance to make sure they have the correct phone number for me. He’s to send in his paystub and W-2 but I’m sure he’ll go ahead and disregard the letter and not do shit because he’s lazy and stupid. The hearing will still happen and they will make their determination whether he participates or not which is great but if he’s working under the table it’s still not going to help me.

I’m just so tired of being left high and dry in all of this. All the daycares are full and my only option is to find someone to watch her and it’s expensive so until he starts paying, I’m going to continue to stay in this same spot. I just want to know how this guy can walk around not caring about what situation I’m in while he’s worried about going on a date and drinking at the bar. I just think it’s bullshit how reasonable I’m supposed to be all while he doesn’t have to do shit in helping with this own child!!

They need a copy of my paystub and childcare expenses which I don’t have. I’m going to make sure to tell them that I’ve ran into some health issues that I’m actively dealing with and plan to start working once I’m physically able and I can afford childcare. I just hope for our sake that he is indeed working and will start paying consistently. I want to start planning a life and be able to fucking work.

I don’t like him either but there’s no way I could just sit around letting him be 2 parents every single day knowing that I could help but choose not to. There’s just NO FUCKING way I would leave him in the situation he’s left me. I think you’d have to be more than just lazy or selfish. This shit is just plain EVIL as fuck! This doesn’t just affect me is what he needs to understand. This hurts my child because she doesn’t have anything to do and there’s no kids for her to play with on a semi regular basis now that we’re on Summer break. It must be really nice to never have to be concerned about your child’s happiness at all.

There’s only so much I can do. I’m only one person. I’ve tried to figure this shit out by myself for so long and I’ve gotten nowhere. I just want to understand where he just doesn’t think he should have to contribute unless he feels like it. This is HIS KID TOO!! She isn’t just my responsibility bro!! I understand when everyone tells me that he’s never going to be consistent and I can’t rely on him and that’s fine but I’m going to do whatever I can to hold him accountable as well. I didn’t get pregnant by myself, I had help. He willingly chose to have sex just like I did and there’s too many people out here raising kids by themselves that we can’t all be in the wrong!

I think my biggest complaint is how much control he has and that he exercises it at every turn of the wheel. Like the other day when I asked if he could help out and pitch in for Summer camp and never did. I honestly believe that this guy enjoys what control he has and doesn’t care how that affects my mental health. I think he likes keeping me down, keeping me stuck. No one should ever be allowed this much control over another human being. I’m just thankful I’m as strong as I am or I would have lost it a long fucking time ago. It must be nice knowing we’re sitting here bored while he gets to run around and do his own thing. It’s a sick game of fucking control.

He said to me, “I thought you were working” um whether I am or not, I’ve spent THOUSANDS over the years in childcare so I could work while you got to do absolutely nothing while my daughter was growing up in a fucking daycare dude! Why the fuck does this guy think I should just continue to pay for EVERYTHING while he gets to have a fucking choice? I don’t get to have any fucking choices in this whatsoever!

Another thing. I’ve been torn down to the point where I’m absolutely embarrassed about my situation and I SHOULDN’T BE! My daughter has 2 fucking parents and he’s helped put me in this spot by never being around so no, I’m gonna do that hearing and put it all out on the table while he ends up attending or not! I shouldn’t ever feel embarrassed that I can’t do it all on my own and I shouldn’t have to! She has another parent in this and he should be just as fucking responsible as I am! He’s always made me feel like he just shouldn’t have to do anything here and I’m fucking over it.

You know who should be embarrassed!? He should be! He knocked me up, moved 11 hours away the whole time I was pregnant. Came back in time for me to have her where he wouldn’t even sign the paternity affidavit at the hospital to evade CS, has left me to be Mom and Dad every single day for 6 years so if anyone should be embarrassed about anything, it should rightfully be him! He’s also gotten jobs where he either didn’t show up or worked a couple of days and then bounced out because he didn’t want to worry about CS being taken from his checks while I sit here and go without because my daughter is always my top priority!

I could understand if he was disabled or something but he isn’t. He’s CHOSEN to be absent and not work. He’s chosen to put women, the bar, drinking, video games and whatever else above his own child all these years so I don’t care what he ends up hearing when we have this conference. I’m sure he won’t attend because he’s not into accountability and I don’t see him sending in any paperwork either probably in hopes that will help him but he doesn’t understand that CS get his wages and he willingly quit the last job. Oh, and he owes thousands as well. They already told me that they’ll do this fun thing called impute income which means they’ll determine his payments based on his ‘earning capacity’ and what he’s made previously.

It’s just sad that deadbeats will quit jobs or take lower paying jobs to avoid paying or in hopes for CS to get lowered but the cost of living goes up and they just want the Mom’s to be stuck with absolutely everything. Doesn’t he think I’d like to ever have some fun with the money I earn? I’ve been the paycheck all these years whether he’s helped or not and still talks about me like I’m shit under his shoe. My daughter told me that she’s pretty sure he hates me. Well of course he does because I’ve always been trying to hold him accountable! I didn’t say that of course but that’s what I wanted to fucking say!!