Bad morning. in Since OD is shutting down....

So I really wake up this morning to our phones sitting in water because my cats knocked over a cup. It was a bullshit way to wake up. Thank God both phones still work because I don’t have the money to replace them. My daughter’s phone sound wasn’t working without headphones but when we came back from Target and getting breakfast, it was working so my anxiety started to calm down.

I talked to my friend this morning about my appointment and I really hope my Mom told my control freak of a Dad that she’s going to sit here with my kid while he runs me to my appointment because I’m not going to have my daughter there bored for over an hour using my phone burning up my internet because he needs to be able to monitor everyone’s movement. I have a strong feeling that I’ll probably have to come right out and say something today. I just don’t understand why once again I should have to put up with this shit when it’s my kid and my appointment!! It’s sad that my Mom can’t just drive herself to my house, watch my kid and then leave once I get back!!

I really creeped that filthy website he’s on where someone asked what everyone’s doing tonight and he said that he had a date but they probably won’t show up so he’s gonna go have a few drinks and then go home to play XBOX. I’d like to know if he’s still here or what the fuck is actually going on with him. That’s so nice for him to just be able to do whatever while I get to take my daughter out and spend money that I really shouldn’t be spending to keep her entertained and he doesn’t have to ever worry about it. I am so beyond angry over my situation that I can’t even see straight.

My anxiety is running hard today because I’m nervous about my appointment and can’t wait until it’s over. I’m pissed that it was originally scheduled for 2:15 and then they called the other day and pushed it back to 3:45 so I have to wait even longer. I’m just going to be so glad when it’s finally over so I don’t have to worry about it anymore. It’s painful but doesn’t take long which is a really good thing. My back still hurts pretty good but hopefully it’ll be a lot better after they burn off the damn nerves. I know it doesn’t last but a few months but maybe by then I’ll be working and have a job where I’m able to stand and sit so I can just deal with it.

But yeah, even the other day we went to their house and got roped into taking her to a job interview where he had to tag along. It’s like he’s literally obsessed with making sure he’s around her just about every minute of every day. It’s suffocating and that’s part of the reason she stepped out a couple of years ago. I seriously hate him and don’t care what’s happened in the past because he’s brought it on himself. My daughter and I sit here by ourselves every day and he’s got a lot to do with that because my Mom isn’t allowed to come over. I just think it’s crazy how much our lives are affected by this worthless piece of shit!

Today will probably be the day where I have to get nasty about things because I’m going to have say in this because I’m not going to be put out and have my daughter using up all the internet on my phone just so he is able to watch my Mom. He really needs to get into some therapy because this shit isn’t healthy. I just think it’s bullshit that if I need any type of of help from HER, I have to put up with him! I am so tired of dealing with people like this and I told my friend on the phone today that my daughter will probably be home alone before her time because I’m so tired of having to worry about him being around!!

It’s hot again today. My brother took her for awhile last night which was nice. I told her someone was coming for her where she replied, “I hope it’s not my Dad” and then proceeds to tell me that one of the days he got her from school that he screamed at her to sit on the curb in front of Dollar Tree while him and his gf went into shop. I am super uncomfortable with this as that store is like 2 minutes away from interstate and she’s 5! There’s no valid reason why the fuck you should EVER leave your child alone anywhere! Yet, this guy has the fucking nerve to threaten ME with legal action?!!?!

I still think the other day when he wanted her for the weekend and I told him that he needed to make sure not to leave her alone because if she woke up and he wasn’t there that she’d freak and then all of a sudden he said he had to work. I have to fucking doubt that he planned to head out once she fell asleep!! I think his main issue with me is that I’m always one step ahead of him because he’s pulled so much shit in the past that I have to constantly be aware of everything. I still think that one time he took her overnight about 3 years ago that he left her alone and went to the bar. I don’t have proof and I’ll never know for sure but after that one night of his Mom leaving 5 kids by themselves all night long and my kid was 1 of them, I think this is how they grew up and just don’t care.

Again, until there’s a court order I just don’t think it’s in the interest of my daughter or her safety for him to be taking her. I now don’t even trust the girlfriend because she went along with leaving her alone outside of a store. Like how do you not say something?!? We live in really scary times where anything can happen! I told my daughter that she knows she’s not to be left alone anywhere and anyone could have came and took her. She’s made it clear to me that she doesn’t feel safe with her Dad and I won’t be allowing her to go with him again.

It’s one thing to not like someone but when you don’t even trust them with their own child, it’s time to just leave it alone and wait for him to get his parenting time through the courts. I would feel a bit better about him seeing her that way because then he knows there’s actual structure to this.