Holy. in Since OD is shutting down....

So I always manage to come across a Tik Tok that completely resonates with my situation. I just watched one about this woman talking about how BD’s just like the dynamic of you chasing them. It makes them feel like they’re a catch and they like stressing you out. Everything this woman said was spot on to my situation. I truly believe everything in that video is something a lot of women can really relate to. I completely see if for my BD and the way this has been all along. He doesn’t want to be a Dad but wants to have access to me through our child and likes not helping but watches how angry I get because it makes him feel on top.

I’m so glad that I was able to keep my cool and just block him. I feel that until there’s a court order, there will never be peace because he’s got too much control. It’s like when he was taking her on Wednesday nights. He was pissed that she needed to come home and get ready for bed but liked that I was sitting here by myself waiting for her. It’s just about controlling me. Doesn’t he think me being a single Mom isn’t me being controlled enough?! I even told him a couple of weeks ago that I haven’t been to a fucking bar in a year. That probably wasn’t the thing to say but obviously I don’t have a fucking village.

There’s no point in asking him to send me money either because it’s just never going to happen. He’s never willingly helped and never will. It’s like the deal where he wanted to take her for a week is probably just to control the new supply. It’s not that he wanted her, but just to pawn her off on the new bitch and control what she’s doing. This is all a sick game to the guy and until there’s actual structure with a court order, nothing is ever going to get any better. I just hate how much control he actually does have in this but because I don’t react, that’s where my power is. I’m going to hang on to that.

They like the chase and being bugged to parent. They like the dynamic of dysfunction. I think it’s disgusting for someone to create a child with you simply for control purposes. I don’t think I was wrong for trying again but after a month of consistent lies and absolute bullshit, I have to be done for awhile. It’s not going to do me or my daughter any good to keep in contact with him. He’s used to me being Mom and Dad. That’s not going to change.

So anyways....his brother really wants me to come visit next weekend and I’m thinking about going. I would really like to see him and get out of here for a little while. I know that he’s expecting sex which really scares me because I haven’t done that in a very long time but I’m willing to at least try.