June 6 2023 in The Beginning

I have a feeling I won’t sleep tonight. I don’t want to sleep tonight, although it’s not like I’ve been doing anything worthwhile in the night to excuse myself of getting proper sleep. Sometimes my brain just functions like a machine, always wanting to do something. Listening to music, writing, reading, or just doing nothing.
Nothing. That’s what I do best. Friends in my life think of me as some sort of smart guy who does all these amazing things and can do so much, but I think of myself as nothing more than a hack. I suppose it’s because I lack confidence most days or perhaps I don’t care about myself. I’m sure the truth is somewhere in the middle. I don’t see value in myself yet I don’t care if I’m nothing at least I’m something I’m just going to enjoy my life as much as I can, while not caring what others think about me (even myself). I’ve faked confidence my whole life so I might as well continue doing so.
I think I’ll drink something tonight.
Well at least I figured out what I’m going to do tonight.
“You must live in the present, launch yourself on every wave, find your eternity each moment” Henry David Thoreau